Poor Things is Poor Thinging

art by Aleksander Walijewski

A Movie Review by Didge Martin

 

Can I just say, or ask rather, before starting this essay that, is Duncan Wedderburn, in the contemporary world, a classic manipulative sad boy? Finding out that fresh-out-of-Marvel-movies Mark Ruffalo portrayed this character really made me laugh, and might I add, made me anxious as well after finding out that he was scared to do this role when he first read the script! To quote Bella Baxter: “what a confusing person you are, Duncan Wedderburn!”

 The thing about trying to understand the outwardly bizarre premise and off-putting vibe of a movie that is Poor Things makes me want to schedule a session with my make-believe therapist which is myself. But the solace that can only comfort me is a small self-talk as I try to tell myself “Oh, you poor thing” (Get it?)

 

I don’t know if this movie was reverse Benjamin Buttoning me when I first saw it, well that probably does not make sense, because the premise of a reverse Benjamin Button is basically, a normal human being born and growing old. But it did put a mind-bending experience, nonetheless. In a sense that the fast-paced plot with ridiculously abrupt nudity that hits you the least you expect, is still a theatrical experience, at least for me. If you carefully watch the movie, it’s as if you are experiencing a wild theater or play. To quote Karsten Runquist: “[Lanthimos’s] films often feel like dollhouses where characters are so stiff, and they have to explore human emotion from the ground level...”

Ah yes, ground level. Starting from scratch. When I was in college learning philosophy, tabula rasa was introduced to me. My philosophy teacher (shoutout to Sir Hollis, my Captain, oh Captain!) mentioned John Locke’s idea of this blank slate, I immediately associated it with Bella Baxter when I started watching this movie. Shall we color this blank slate/play then?

 

To showcase a blueprint, this essay will delve into three main topics:

1. Is the movie really about the Male Gaze?
2. The Polite Society Narrative and the Use of Philosophy. Are they important?

3. Love, hate, prostituting ourselves, and everything in between, what’s in them?

 

On to the Idea of the Male Gaze argument:

 

In the hours of researching that I spent on finding out the meaning and philosophy of Poor Things (mostly by YouTube essay videos and answers from Quora strangers) I found out that a lot of them argued that the entire movie was built upon this idea that it tries to put into a film the Male Gaze perspective.

 

The existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980) introduced the idea of le regard, or the gaze, in his 1943 book Being and Nothingness. According to this concept, the act of gazing at another human being creates a subjective power difference, which is felt by the gazer and by the gazed because the person being gazed at is perceived as an object, not as a human being.

 

Immanuel Kant argues in his second categorical imperative that people are meant to be ends-in-themselves, and not mere means. In this context, Bella was a mere means for the perverse and fetishized actions of Duncan, to say the least. Might I add that he is also on the top when it comes to the list of best people to showcase the fragility of the male ego.

 

Apparently, Bella is living an I-It relationship with all the men in her life. Godwin Baxter literally manipulated her with his Frankensteinesque (I don’t know if this is a term, but I love how it sounds) idea. Max McCandless loves Bella only after studying her and after following the orders of Godwin. Alfie claims her back as if she is a property at his own disposal, then goes to the lengths of binding her to ACTUALLY remove her clitoris as he says it “my life is dedicated to the taking of the territory” and to which she responds, “I am not your territory.” Also, isn’t he technically remarrying his daughter? Yikes.

 

Before continuing this essay, I would like to say that being a male person commenting and making a self-imposed review on this movie and agreeing that it might be true can be quite appalling. But to get it out the way; before even I get to my point, this allowed me to acknowledge that my viewpoints may have been shaped by patriarchal norms and biases, and it prompts me to actively seek to understand and empathize with the experiences of women and marginalized genders. To quote Cory Aragon: “Male Feminists find themselves in the weird position of opposing entrenched patriarchal gender hierarchies while effectively reinforcing them.” I would like to preempt as well that I teach ethics and one of the lectures I deliver during the Final term is feminism as an ethical perspective. This movie will now be sort of an additional requirement to create perspective in the intersectionality of this timely topic. To genuinely ask the students (especially the males) what they think.

Okay, so now that is in the way, I shall now really think what the movie is telling us, the viewers.

Our understanding of the world because of our sense-experiences and this notion that people can be objects stemmed from our own entitled views of power. To quote Palazzo Fedrigotti:

“Objectification represents a powerful and potentially damaging way in which we can see and treat others. When people become tools, instruments, or objects of our appreciation they can lose out on their humanity, inner mental life, and sometimes even moral standing. This objectification can have a sexual element - sexualized women and men become objects of our sexual attention. However, objectification goes beyond the sexual sphere; it can be the worker or the boss, the patient or the practitioner who becomes the object. Objectification - reducing a someone to a something - can occur in any human relationship.”

Nicolai Hartmann (1882-195), a German Philosopher and Metaphysician tries to tell us that in the layers of existence in this world, only humans can achieve the highest level, which is the mental layer of existence. Other layers are conscious (higher animals can achieve this), live (plants belong into this layer), and lastly, physical (where objects belong).

Bella, in the beginning of the movie, is seen as a baby inside a grown woman. Her mental capacities are obviously low (I also managed to laugh at Max’s comment of her being a pretty retard) and that she is an actual child being developed with an environment that is not typical (because of the bizarre setup of God) This presupposes that this pretty retard is still in the process of developing the layer of existence from a conscious being to a mental being.

In contrast to the treatment of Duncan, he treats her as a physical being, to feed and satisfy his egoistic and sexual desires. Bella was made to believe that she indeed is an object to be set free, to explore the world and be an enjoyer of furious jumping—a clever term she uses as a substitute for the word sex. As we are hooked by the story, the juxtaposition of the colorful world and the dark undertones of its dialogues and scenes dramatically lifts off as the movie progresses. The isolated sounds are also adding flavor and emotional weight to the entirety of the story and its scenes.

Bella later finds out that the act of selling sex is a thing in the world (to which infuriates Duncan) and prior this, allows her to meet other friends in a ship to talk about philosophical perspectives and life in general. (more on this later)

Swiney, the head of the brothel delivers some of the most interesting and poignant lines in the movie that explores the impact of the line of work Bella was about to enter. When asked what the purpose of this endeavor is, she says: “We must work. We must make money. But more than that Bella, we must experience everything. Not just the good, but degradation, horror, sadness. This makes us whole Bella, makes us people of substance. Not flighty, untouched children. Then we can know the world. And when we know the world, the world is ours.”  

And when confronted with the idealist statements Bella tries to advocate for, she also replies with the statement: You are an idealist. Like me. How delightful you are. But we must give in to the demands of the world sometimes. Grapple with it. Try to defeat it. To which Bella replies: so, you believe as me? And she immediately replies with the statement, that perfectly encapsulates the misogynistic reality: “some men enjoy that you do not like it… [it is] sick but good business.” What I hate about the film is that they could’ve used this moment to dive deeper into this aspect to empower these women. To quote YouTube commenter Ashley Bird: “The concept of being forced to have sex with men she doesn’t want to is not explored at all… in the end, her experience is framed as liberating and positive, and having sex with someone she doesn’t want to is a mere bump in the road.”

But I guess to its merit, again, to quote Karsten Runquist: “without it being preachy, the film examines sexual liberation in a pretty empowering way—exploring the nuance of topics like sex work [in a way I’m surprised to see out of a big movie]”

Now, to fully become aware of the problem is to recognize the impact it makes towards the audience. As an average reasonable person, I would automatically think that this is already the status quo even in the fictionalized Victorian era time-period it portrays. Tolerance used as a beacon for the norm to stay the same is clearly weaponized by men but also taken back by the women in their line of work. A form of victorious claim, to say the least. Bella understands this, yet the most baffling issue, as Ganymedia would say in her Video Essay entitled Poor Things: feminist or degrading? “… the film does also raise really unsettling questions about consent that it potentially doesn’t explore critically enough.” The casual furious jumpings on the end of Bella makes her a victim of her own narrative. She is a child that does not know the idea of consent, more so its implications when not given, and yet the viewers are made to believe that she indeed emerged victoriously towards the end.

 

The Polite Society Narrative and use of Philosophical Thoughts:

            What constitutes a polite society? I had similar line of questioning when I teach ethics in my class. Most of the answers of my students would either be a discussion on socially acceptable norms and people conforming to it, then they would claim that if someone violates these said rules, they must pay for the consequences. In a typical sense, of course.

            In the movie, Duncan tells Bella that he doesn’t care for a polite society because it was “f**king boring. This line was callback to the apple insertion scene of Bella finding pleasure in self-touching. To which Max tries to stop Bella because the polite society may not accept such acts.

Harry backs this up during a conversation with Bella by saying: “Do not accept the lie of religion, socialism, capitalism, we are a fucked species. Hope is smashable. Realism is not. Protect yourself with the truth.” Harry is another sad boy person, I presume. Well, as Bella presumes as well, because she replies that Harry is just a broken little boy who cannot bear the pain of the world. His lines also encapsulate an old-age nihilistic viewpoint. He even retorts that “this improvement through philosophy is people trying to run away from the fact that we are all cruel beasts. Born that way. Die that way.”

Erich Fromm (1900-1980) a German American psychologist and philosopher, has a famous quote that goes “Man is born as a freak of nature.” In his book "The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness" and other works, Fromm argued that humans possess a remarkable capacity for both creativity and destructiveness. Just like how the film is portrayed as creative and destructive. This is emphasized in the brilliant cinematographic style of the strategic changing of lenses throughout the whole movie, its score, and just the gorgeous set design and the characters’ costume juxtaposed with its dark scenes and lines.

Fromm further believed that humans are born with an inherent potential for freedom, rationality, and creativity, but they also have the capacity for destructiveness, aggression, and violence. By calling humans "a freak of nature," Fromm was pointing out that humans stand out in the natural world due to their complex psychological and social attributes. Unlike other animals, humans have developed sophisticated cultures, languages, technologies, and social structures. This is the reason why Bella was also so intrigued by the essence of Duncan in the beginning. Well, she was a child. However, this unique position by Fromm also brings with it certain challenges, such as the potential for alienation, anxiety, and destructive behavior. Beasts, as Harry Astley would argue. Bella’s response was also nihilistic but more on the optimistic side. In a sense that, she was utterly confused with the new wisdom given to her, she hated it but also wanted to know more about it.

In fact, when she was “shown” the real-world problems being exposed to the dying babies, Harry’s absolute nihilism kicks in. Creating this idea of a loop, or a cycle or the world that there is nothing else people can do but to wing it in living a polite society. It’s a situation of them vs. us. Bella of course steals Duncan’s money to give it to the poor and dying people. Her act of hopelessness or desperation is a manifestation of her purity and naivety. Developing a sense of empathy that she clearly only realizes when faced with the actuality of the world and its problems that seem to be impossible to be solved. Cue Paramore’s “Ain’t it Fun? Living in the real world!”

On the philosophy aspect. Bella actually journeyed towards the different philosophical schools of thought in the entirety of this movie, from a tabula rasa (a literal child-brained person) who gains rationality (experiencing anarchism with her tantrums and chaotic self-exploration, not only of the psychosexual but also psychosocial) then she explores hedonism (pleasure philosophy)and dismantles the idea of the soul as she then tries to traverse nihilism (with her boat ride) and finally towards realism. (shoutout to jasons5916 of a random YouTube comment from the video of Lucas Blue’s Analysis of the movie) Bella is our Optimistic Nihilist Queen!

 

 

            But in the end, did Bella really find her purpose? Technically yes because she became a doctor. But it also does not sit with me right that she became a doctor in the fashion that Godwin was a doctor. She became a doctor who also manipulates people, quite literally. Carving with compassion and what not. As Godwin would say: “My father once told me, always carve with compassion, he was a f**king idiot, but not a bad advice.” Did Bella take the same advice unironically? Or was it something else?

 

The Perception of love, lust, and everything in between:

            One of the songs I love in the entire Panic! At the Disco’s Discography is this song called “But it’s Better if you do” This song is about a man who goes to a strip club to help him get over a girl. While there, he realizes that this isn't what he wants, and what he really wants is the girl:

"Well, I may have faked it, and I wouldn't be caught dead in this place." He recognizes that the girl is playing hard-to-get.

"Isn't this exactly where you’d like me... praying for love in a lap dance—and paying in naivety” and doesn't like it. 

            The sexual liberation that Bella experiences in the movie is also a good foreshadowing on what comes after. Duncan went literally crazy after finding out what Bella did. But Duncan is aware of what he did to her! Which is to liberate her and make her understand the value of furious jumping in the lens Bella sees or saw after. He even told her that “gosh, you look pretty, how it agrees it with you to be ravaged!” I just kept imagining that the burlesque scenes from the movie is the perfect metaphor for the song But It’s Better If You Do, and it was Duncan who was singing this as a persona of a manipulative sad boy.

            Bella asks: does the whoring thing challenge the desire for ownership that men have? I believe this was addressed to Max in the latter scenes of the movie. Which also now encapsulates the entire existence of her being able to manipulate other men as well. Even in its weird and submissive undertones, I would like to believe that Bella fully recognizes the point of why she was doing all those things, because the movie is not critiquing that women feel most sexually liberated through sex work, but it tries to see or questions the origins of such idea.

Take for example the case of Grace Quek aka Annabel Chong, the star of the porn movie “World’s Biggest Gangbang.” For me, this story has the same effect to how the movie explores sexual liberation. Mark Dacela on his research entitled “Sexuality, power, and gangbang: A Foucauldian analysis of Annabel Chong's dissent.”

Chong claims in subsequent interviews that more than anything else, she did it to challenge the stereotypical notion that female sexuality is passive—that women like to be “seduced, kissed and cuddled, and [are] basically biologically monogamous”. She quips that “if a guy did 251 women in one day . . . everyone would think he’s a real stud”; But if a girl does the same “she’s considered a terrible slut.”

Dacela on his research further asks:

Is Annabel Chong the quintessential feminist, defying an oppressive system, asserting her individuality, redefining the parameters of a gender-determined sexuality? Or is she a victim of her own misguided ideals, objectifying herself in the belief that this affirms her subjectivity, submitting herself to domination to reclaim control, eventually propagating the same oppressive system she professes to end?

            Recently, a Filipina named Salome Salvi (I’m not really sure if this is an alias or her actual name) was interviewed by Toni Gonzaga via her self-titled talk show in YouTube. And the entire interview was also hinting on this idea of why there needs to be sexual liberation to be used as a form of validation (not entirely from men) but from society in general. (this is my personal opinion, I might be wrong) Opinions from this interview were polarized, but of course, in a conservative Catholic country, she is more despised rather than uplifted by the society.  

            Which now goes to show that even if women prostitute themselves as a form of sexual liberation, most men in general would STILL see this as an invitation of fulfilling fetishes and perverse desires.

            And then goes the idea of love. Alfie, the weeping widower who suddenly had hope because he saw that his dead wife has come to life is the final arbiter of the movie for Bella’s decisions. But take note that she is now fully developed at this stage and has already acquired the truth to her existence. She asks God: “is it hard to be in the position where one wants to hit someone who is already in obvious pain?” and that was such an expressive line for me.

            There was also this dinner scene where Alfie and Bella converse on a table where they are far from each other. Alfie suggests: “marriage is a constant challenge, some we bend to, some we bend to us” and delivers something somewhere “If one must drown, let it be in the river of love!” Bella further asks Alfie: “so, am I a prisoner?” I think this entire scene before the finale of the movie speaks to us about these faux feelings that we have when it comes to love. The way we put people into pedestals and the way we act towards our feelings and how we portray them to people who we trust and love.

            A good example can also be seen in the creation of Felicity as a substitute for Bella. This also means, the way I interpret it at least, that one cannot simply create a version of a person to be passed on to another, because our uniqueness can never be replicated. I mean, Alfie was no longer remarrying the same Victoria, that as Bella, he was remarrying his own daughter (quite disturbing, I know) It is unfair to see a person from another person just because there are similarities, or just because you can recreate the elements of how you view a person to pass it to another. I don’t know if this makes sense, I hope it does.

            The question remains. Was Bella really liberated at the end of the movie? Or was she still in the same bubble, only put into a pedestal? What are your thoughts?

This House Regrets Sleeping in Front of the Bus

 By Didge Martin (he/him)

The essay will start in 3…2…1

There seems to be a lack of understanding about the concept behind sleeping, well, at least, for me personally, in the exact front of a coaster that only caters to half of your entire back. You might think counterintuitively so to speak. If you’re reading this and are already getting bored, please treat it like an assignment and endure it. Your name will appear immediately after a few paragraphs. Well, if you’re a FLIP debater who made it the Top 12 and competed in the SLIDEUP2024. Trust me, it’s going to be worth-it! 

A few responses from my side of the bench before the actual message of this essay: Beyond the pun-hunting inside malls, unusual heightened violence of laser tagging, ice-skating blunders, late-night swimming extensions, and campus-strolling/chaperoning, my journey back to UPLB for SLIDE UP 2024 with THE best speakers of Tuguegarao’s debaters, will be, I can safely assume, the highlight of my year. But the highlight is not the competition itself, it is the people I met and learned to love from a 4-day training and a 2-day competition. To loosely quote our famous JB Tan, maybe the breaks we had was the friendship we created all along. 

Let us picture paint: It is now 2:26 in the morning, inside a cramped coaster, Panic! At the Disco’s Victorious is playing in full volume from a wireless bluetooth headphones. Only the essayist is awake with the driver. The road is Santa Fe, the famous, nay, infamous bituka na daanan is being traversed. What would this look like in the realm of a typical ride? “This guy is absurd!” You might say. He is indeed. The thing is, there is no back rest in your seat, you might even be occasionally kicked by the person behind you, so imagine putting your shoes in his shoes, you might as well entertain yourself with loud music and writing in your Notes App. 

On to our motion extensions and crystallizing the case for our side of the bench: the actual message of the speech. To better build a case and avoid biased adjudication, the numbers do not necessarily reflect a rank of some sort and Paulinian debaters shall be listed last. Sorry, Paulinians. You probably deserve it. 

Speaker 1: Ashley Cordoba. Starting with Ashley. Ah, yes Ashley, our slay queen. Being able to witness your astute performance whenever being a Deputy is really, really, remarkable! Your dedication to the crafting of witty remarks with meaty substances is a feature I am excited to witness again soon! I kept saying whenever someone gives you a POI, “the opposing team ate, but Ashley devoured!” Also, your words resonate and walk as if they have feet of their own. How do you that? Excited for you, as always. Hear hear!

Speaker 2: Jozane Gollayan. Thank you first and foremost for sharing how difficult it is to deal with sibling rivalry when not being a debater. So, witnessing your whipping prowess is astounding! Considering you shifted from being Deputy to Whip, and slaying both roles, is a superpower! I appreciate how you encapsulate arguments with the tonality of being sassy yet being formal. I look forward to your next performance of being a superb Whip. Hear hear!

Speaker 3: Fatima Macapia. Ah, Fatima, yes. Our extemporaneous queen! How foolish of me to have a first impression that extemporaneous speaking won’t really help you in being a debater, because you proved it to be otherwise. I also am astonished at how you are astonished whenever we suggest strategies. Your enthusiasm is a burst of color in a dark world. The way you absorb learnings is also a feat only you can harness. Also, a side note, hopefully you enjoy reading Gravity Fall’s Journal no. 3.  Hear hear!

Speaker 4: Jose Miguel Arugay. Our debate rizzler. To be honest, I’m not really sure where your unofficial title came from. I guess it is from your consistent white tees and casual hair combing while speaking. Oh I know now, it is because you are so so so persuasive as well! That is your feat! “Keeping it local is best” as a takeaway from the debate competition is still too funny for me. What a remark! Well, in your debating skills, I hope you can harness it the point that your rizz skills are turned best case scenarios so you could find a significant other! Hear hear!

Speaker 5: Maria Princess Rye. First of all, I would like to posit that I am not a person who is necessarily “nakaka-angat sa buhay” just because of isolated cases. I rest my case. Anyway—your angst and quick witted responses towards motion analyses is a remarkably useful tool when you’re already debating. I hope you keep that fire ablaze! I apologize you had to see Oble before UPCAT Results. Maybe you need not to succumb to superstition to prove that you shall be an Iskolar ng Bayan. I’m pretty sure you already are one! Hear hear!

Speaker 6: Arianne Dumlao. For a person who looks like she can easily fit in the Manila or UPLB scene, your attitude of being a Promdi (from the province) girl with gutter humor is confusing a lot of people. People is me, to say the least. Also, you are not only a best speaker, you are a best shouter. But your debate skills—already almost perfect! Just need to polish it with “a little more aggression” and tie it back to extempo energy. Slay for you. But for me, you don’t only whip, you sweep the entire floor and annihilate its benches. Keep it up! Oh and yes, you are now officially my long lost sister. Matching Pisces energy and a Pengue kababayan, what else is there? Please don’t be a stranger. Hear hear!

Speaker 7: Lyka Cortez. How does it feel to be a flawless Prime Minister? Care to share any tips? No? Maybe still thinking about the aesthetic UPLB Tumbler you didn’t get, huh? Hopefully I can learn how to let go of it and ultimately donate it to you before we reach our homes. But all the more reason for you to go back go UPLB, right? Maybe what’s waiting for you is not only a tumbler but an announcement slide that you made it for breaks! (Cue your scream with Arianne) because you are best shouter No. 2. For being the youngest Speaker in the group, I officially declare you as our muse. Kidding. I hope to see you again the soonest time possible. Many thanks for suggesting the Strawberry Mango Tea from Macao Imperial. Also your EquiTeam and BaGirl suggestions were *chef’s kiss* (missed opportunities indeed) Next time eat faster so you won’t have to struggle running before the actual laser tag. Hear hear!

Speaker 8: JB Tan. If Arianne is my official long lost sister, then you are now my official long lost brother. How does it feel to be the funniest person in the room without even trying? My honest first impression of you is that you will be a person who will be difficult to be with because of how incredibly intimidating you can be. But boy, was I wrong. You are the wittiest person I know as of today. Your humor is top tier. Well, slapstick as you would say. I can’t even count the amount of internal laughs I had whenever you have witty remarks or just banter with people. You are not only a debater, but you are our happiness pill. Woof woof! Am I right? Hear hear!

At this point in time I am half asleep. But I can’t.  I mean I physically can’t anymore because I will be literally crushing madam Kia Joanna, our overall head chaperone and organizing team point person. She beat me to it.  I no longer have the temporal  nor spatial capability to deliver my sleep. I hope I can finish this essay before succumbing to sleep. 

On the Paulinian debaters!

Speaker 9: Adelyn Orata. Here’s the thing, you’re completely amazing! And that is a fact I can give to people. For being a whip to a first speaker, your first national debate competition is sure a great story to tell for the next batches. I admire you so much for always being knowledgeable about almost anything. May it be something deep, to something just being mundane. I do hope our conversations won’t end with debate premises. I look forward to more discussions with you. Hear hear!

Speaker 10: Jessa Dela Cruz. (Cue Hesus sa Krus music) okay, this might be subject to equity team, so I’ll stop right here. Jessa! The martyr debater, so to speak! The one thing you’ve feared the most has finally been conquered! Your extemporaneous speaking has finally taken its flight—and for that, what an amazing debater you are. Breaks or no breaks, I’m pretty sure you will use your new unlocked skill in many other endeavors in the future and I am excited for you. May the circumstances always align with your passions. Hear hear!

Speaker 11: Ian Allam. (Cue that whatever laugh you created or imitated) the first time I witnessed you debate a year ago, I honestly thought to myself, maybe this person is for broadcasting, not for debating. But boy, oh boy, you proved me wrong! Like I said in the past, you are an epitome of a comeback story worthy of experiencing a taste of UPLB before graduating. And to top it all off, from being a Prime to becoming a Whip is not an easy task. But you flawlessly adopted to the harsh environment of such, and for you that I am proud of you always!

Speaker 12: Einjel Martin. My best friend. And FLIP overall best speaker. I might not really show, but I am beyond proud of you my dearest sister. From the moment you were born, to today, and for always. I mean conquering UPLB twice? Breaks or no breaks, you have shown us the success stories every one needs to watch at least once in their life. Words aren’t even enough to explain how I am elated to have you as my sister. In the perspective of an average reasonable person, and in all likelihood of alternative realities or universes, I do not want any other sister but you. You are my best friend, my one text away chismis provider, and I am going to be always your number 1 fan. Hear hear!

Panels. The time is now 4:39 AM. We are at least 4 hours away from home and I am now done with my essay. Thus, we should not regret sleeping in front of the bus. For all these reasons, I have never been prouder to coach. 

Love hurts, and sometimes it’s good

We had a recollection last Tuesday and the main topic of the priest was “uso pa (ba) ang mga martyr?” 

In the context of Filipino culture, a martyr is someone who is a masochist of some sort. A person who enjoys being hurt for the sake of “love.” Say for example, a person who is overly attached to another person. Typically they will not see any type of red flag in their relationship. Worse, even if they are hurt, rejected, or abused, they will still choose to love them.

It was also at that time that I was with a colleague who was the epitome of the Filipino martyr. Hurt by someone who barely even loved her. The thing about their relationship is that they didn’t really work out. No boundaries set. No labels. Nothing. A typical one-sided or unreciprocated love. Being with her was really challenging because everything the priest said was indirectly received by her. I had quite a few bruises from her because of the priest’s “patama”

Dina Voina once said: “Love exists without any need for reciprocation. In fact, love without reciprocation can show strength, an individuality that doesn’t expect anything in return, and is courageous enough to give without feeling the need of wanting something back.”

She further added: “Consider this type of love as a gift, a wonderful gift of caring. If it is reciprocated, love blossoms and “takes form” in real life, and so a couple is formed. If not, love can blossom in your heart, but it can truly blossom only if you give the loved one freedom of choice and the liberty to spend time with whoever they want to. That’s what true love is about, anyway.”

As a Quora lurker, stumbling upon this quote was awesome! I mean, technically she has a point. Love is such a freaking complicated concept in this world and yet it is one of the most beautiful things a person could ever give or receive. The idea that we do crazy stuff because of love is baffling! (For the GOT fans out there, cue Jamie Lannister’s infamous “the things we do for love” scene)

I’ve written a song once, and its lyrics were: 

What does pain feel like for you?

Are they hurtful words or sentiments?

What does sorrow remind you of?

Were they memories lost in the past?

When love is far too much

the pain gets worse 

a lot of dreams are lost

when love hurts

When love hurts! Is it really supposed to be hurting us, really? I also once hurt a very good friend of mine. What I did to him was a poor taste of judgment, a product of a humor that was so misplaced. Words matter. Even if they are written or uttered. Sentiment wise, it did matter as well. It was also a reflection of who I was. Love, like words, can truly hurt. 

When I was a freshman in college, a friend of mine let me borrow this book entitled “The Catastrophic History of You and Me” this was a novel by Jess Rothenberg. The main protagonist (Brie) in the story died literally because of a heartbreak. To be more precise, she had a heart failure called acute congestive cardiomyopathy as her actual cause of death. In the book, she will explore as a person who is Dead and Gone (D&G) how love is such a complicated thing. She uncovers many secrets about her life while she is a sort-of-like a ghost wandering and looking for answers. She also meets a ghost boy in the “purgatory” world as she tries to resolve her own fate. This was such an interesting read! Shoutout to Trisha, who let me borrow this book. It was the best thing I read as a college freshman. (Trisha is now having her first baby, congratulations by the way, if ever you come across this!)

Oh dear, we’re getting old. But love is still here, isn’t it? Theoretically speaking, humans began “loving” each other as a whole procreation requirement of some sort. I mean, we all wanted to survive, hence, we needed our species to live. 

Also, as Dr. L. Lamy (2011) suggests: Beginning in ancient Greece, the consent of marriage was given by the father of the bride, who wasn't allowed an opinion of her own. So it was the father who had to be convinced of the interest the union of his daughter with a rich and prestigious, or at least worthy family, would bring. (Yikes) 

Courtly love even only begun around the 12th century or so! Interestingly enough, to quote again Dr. Lamy, “Everyone lives with the nostalgia of the perfect love, the wonderful 'happy ever after' love that continually eludes us because we have forgotten that true love is primarily found within ourselves.”

 

The self. In philosophy, the self is the relationship of an individual’s own being, knowledge, and values. Ah, yes. I love teaching philosophy not only because it is the first subject I taught during my first year of teaching but most importantly because you can say whatever you want with it and still utter profound truths within. First love, I might say was felt because of this subject. Ah, love again. Yes, it is felt not only within persons but also in courses or classes. 

 

According to Friedrich Nietzsche, one of my favorite philosophers by the way, “The demand to be loved is the greatest of all arrogant presumptions” What a quote, huh? I guess he has a point. 

 

I don’t know where this blog is going now. But, if for some reasons, you are still here. Well, thank you for your interest. 

 

How about you, what are your thoughts on love?

All Aboard the Holiday Express!

Christmas is sadder—not because of the reasons you think

As the sound of laughters fade,

and greetings stop,

you quietly retreat in your room

looking at its ceiling

seeing nothing;

feeling nothing;

only thinking: Christmas is sadder

not because of the reasons you think

not because of this pandemic 

nor the satire of people imitating 

the last sounds of the dying, 

decaying memories just because of 

an angered gun-holder

beholder of bursting birse

Being intrigued: Christmas is sadder

not because of the reasons you think

not because of failed states, 

nor temporary people

who betray consistencies of

your beloved good mornings 

nor that temporary bliss

that delay promises 

As the sound of laughters fade,

and greetings stop,

Christmas is sadder

not because you devoted too much time to the idea that everything will eventually be okay

it’s too big yet too little 

not enough really— getting frustrated of the little things;

covering shifts;

saving up for that brand new product;

pestering your siblings;

demanding accountability;

savoring your hard-earned money;

condemning merciless killings;

creating dissenting opinions;

having a losing streak;

not finishing requirements;

not being loved back;

dealing with grief;

battling worsening anxieties;

bothering those who are not being bothered;

Christmas was and is

Christmas was a barrier

that’s why it’s sadder

because it’s the only time

that you don’t bother thinking of these

 

Alas! It is better— if Christmas makes you forget

then I only wish for you to remember 

you always needed a stopover 

so you can continue struggling in order to progress 

but struggle better

and progress nonetheless 

On Irony, Acceptance, and the Films that come along with it

Disclaimer: this does not intend to sound privileged (as it may seem) I know there are numerous people suffering immensely and "blogging" is not the best solution to help alleviate the most unprecedented predicament our country and the world is facing right now. But I guess it's better than saying nothing at all. So please, by all means, be considerate.

Fetch me some Fe, will you?

Do you know a person who is so religious that even in the most unconventional manner, he/she would preach just to advance his/her belief? But, in the most frustrating situation, he/she is the same person who turns out to be so quiet when it comes to hearing news about killing and violation of basic human rights? 

What about a person who does not want to be dictated when it comes to his/her own decisions? Is he/she the same person who would dictate you how or how not to interpret a certain statement given by the authorities?

Here’s another one, maybe you know of someone who justifies ‘injustices’ blatantly given to the underrepresented? Is he/she the one who acts aggravated, full-level-pissed-off-innuendo-enraged individual when he/she does not receive proper support or treatment by the government?

No? I guess these people only exist in our imaginations then? Think again. If your boat is a big as mine, I sure hope we are cruising the same ocean. I meant, I don’t necessarily want you to be on the same boat, I just want you to follow my path.

I'm starting to believe that Irony is reality that governs this world. Not even Novelty nor any universal law developed by the greatest minds in history. You see, this is the problem. I know a lot of people who would easily give in to believing that nothing is wrong if you just follow the rules given. Well, technically, that is correct. But what about if the same rules no longer define the main purpose of its existence? How about that? Can you now see the irony in it?

The Father of Grisha Jaeger you hated but subconsciously embodied

I recently finished watching this colossal (get it?) franchise of an anime, Attack on Titan and it really, really changed my perspective on watching series, more so, the genre of anime. I mean, yes, I might be a few years late from this hype but I think its charm will remain timeless.

Okay, so let’s fast forward to season 3 and talk about the fascinating reveal of “The Subjects of Ymir” and all its conspiracy. For the fans of the show, you know by heart what I am talking about. Yes, the not-so-big reveal of this century-old secret in the forsaken world where Titans causally eat humans, not for food reasons, but…for fun. Take note, I am only speaking for the animated series because I never read the manga, yet. Stop bashing me.

Alright, sorry. Do you all remember that fu***r of a father Grisha had? In case you didn’t know, his own daughter was mercilessly killed by the “police” letting her be attacked by dogs. Yes, that person is the same person who chose to shut up and listen to authorities rather than to act furiously and say something back to the people who run the government, or what’s left of it in that manner.

Now, there are a lot of individuals who embody Grisha’s father. That, is in and of itself, bad. But ladies and gentlemen, if you hated that fu***r and you remained neutral or sided with the recent wrongdoings of the government, you perfectly gone full circle in drinking that Fe you have inside you. That’s even worse. How ironic, am I right?

I know, this is fiction and no way in this world human-eating-for-fun Titans exists. But that’s the beauty of films and series, right? It transports us into a different world (that is Escapism. The thing you feel when you are immersed watching a quality movie) and then lets us go back to our real world to apply what we have learned when we have escaped for two hours and a half. I mean, if you only watch a movie so you can finally devour the snack you’ve always wanted, then, it’s a shame. I guess my point is, stop being so neutral with whatever’s happening, man. Or woman.

We hated Regina George, but did we really?

           

Okay, now on with some chick-flick classic in the early 2000s when Lindsay Lohan’s career was still stable. You all know the story, right? Mean Girls was such a hallmark of a movie that it basically described what a typical high-school would be like. With some casual bus-hitting accidents from time to time.

My actual takeaway from this is not really about fighting against those mean girls that kept bothering you your whole life (when you’re in high-school) it’s about not giving a fu** about them and just living on with what you really love to do. So, you can’t sit with them. Well, boo-hoo. What’s the big deal, honey?

Did we really hate Regina George, or did we secretly see ourselves in the way she acted all throughout the movie? Yes, you’re right. We can never be not judgmental. It’s as if the whole point of the movie is to acknowledge the fact that have been Reginas at some point in our lives, and it so much hurt us that we cannot be as beautiful as Rachel McAdams, but in a sense, we have always been waiting for that real transformation that we need: to eradicate validation as a norm for acceptance.

Validation, in an aspect suitable for you then, is so overrated. The true person who deserve the crown, is the one who never needs it. The one, who will never need it.

We will eventually be infinite, like Charlie, Sam, and Patrick

Oh, wow. This movie is just so beautiful. It’s a masterpiece in our time and it will transcend for future viewers who will eventually get tired of teen angst and occasional weird hormones. Although I don’t think there is a right age to watch this movie, I best believe that it should be watched around the time you feel profound at the same time lost. So 18-23, I guess? Fair warning: it may also cause some triggers for mental health issues, but I think the beauty of it is that it was not over acknowledged nor under acknowledged.

The thing is, for those of who watched it, aside from the fact that maybe you’re too focused on how much of a hottie Ezra Miller or Emma Watson is (or both; depending on your preference) and the same fact that Logan Lerman’s awkwardness made you fall in love with awkward boys or made you want to be the same awkward boy is so chaotic and profound at the same time.

The movie does not only tell a story; it also directs you to be part of each chapter. The consistencies made you believe that when movies are too relatable, they are not automatically designed to make you feel miserable or paranoid.

Maybe the ‘friend’ Charlie was talking to was unconsciously sent to himself, or to Patrick, or to Sam, or even to Maria Elizabeth. But, eventually, if, or when you can come to your senses, best believe that is, or was rather written for you, the reader and the watcher.

The Quarantine has just begun, so must you.

Eventually, we’ll be in our beds again. Thinking of the most wicked thoughts we can have. But for formalities sake, I hope you have a good sleep.