We had a recollection last Tuesday and the main topic of the priest was “uso pa (ba) ang mga martyr?”
In the context of Filipino culture, a martyr is someone who is a masochist of some sort. A person who enjoys being hurt for the sake of “love.” Say for example, a person who is overly attached to another person. Typically they will not see any type of red flag in their relationship. Worse, even if they are hurt, rejected, or abused, they will still choose to love them.
It was also at that time that I was with a colleague who was the epitome of the Filipino martyr. Hurt by someone who barely even loved her. The thing about their relationship is that they didn’t really work out. No boundaries set. No labels. Nothing. A typical one-sided or unreciprocated love. Being with her was really challenging because everything the priest said was indirectly received by her. I had quite a few bruises from her because of the priest’s “patama”
Dina Voina once said: “Love exists without any need for reciprocation. In fact, love without reciprocation can show strength, an individuality that doesn’t expect anything in return, and is courageous enough to give without feeling the need of wanting something back.”
She further added: “Consider this type of love as a gift, a wonderful gift of caring. If it is reciprocated, love blossoms and “takes form” in real life, and so a couple is formed. If not, love can blossom in your heart, but it can truly blossom only if you give the loved one freedom of choice and the liberty to spend time with whoever they want to. That’s what true love is about, anyway.”
As a Quora lurker, stumbling upon this quote was awesome! I mean, technically she has a point. Love is such a freaking complicated concept in this world and yet it is one of the most beautiful things a person could ever give or receive. The idea that we do crazy stuff because of love is baffling! (For the GOT fans out there, cue Jamie Lannister’s infamous “the things we do for love” scene)
I’ve written a song once, and its lyrics were:
What does pain feel like for you?
Are they hurtful words or sentiments?
What does sorrow remind you of?
Were they memories lost in the past?
When love is far too much
the pain gets worse
a lot of dreams are lost
when love hurts
When love hurts! Is it really supposed to be hurting us, really? I also once hurt a very good friend of mine. What I did to him was a poor taste of judgment, a product of a humor that was so misplaced. Words matter. Even if they are written or uttered. Sentiment wise, it did matter as well. It was also a reflection of who I was. Love, like words, can truly hurt.
When I was a freshman in college, a friend of mine let me borrow this book entitled “The Catastrophic History of You and Me” this was a novel by Jess Rothenberg. The main protagonist (Brie) in the story died literally because of a heartbreak. To be more precise, she had a heart failure called acute congestive cardiomyopathy as her actual cause of death. In the book, she will explore as a person who is Dead and Gone (D&G) how love is such a complicated thing. She uncovers many secrets about her life while she is a sort-of-like a ghost wandering and looking for answers. She also meets a ghost boy in the “purgatory” world as she tries to resolve her own fate. This was such an interesting read! Shoutout to Trisha, who let me borrow this book. It was the best thing I read as a college freshman. (Trisha is now having her first baby, congratulations by the way, if ever you come across this!)
Oh dear, we’re getting old. But love is still here, isn’t it? Theoretically speaking, humans began “loving” each other as a whole procreation requirement of some sort. I mean, we all wanted to survive, hence, we needed our species to live.
Also, as Dr. L. Lamy (2011) suggests: Beginning in ancient Greece, the consent of marriage was given by the father of the bride, who wasn't allowed an opinion of her own. So it was the father who had to be convinced of the interest the union of his daughter with a rich and prestigious, or at least worthy family, would bring. (Yikes)
Courtly love even only begun around the 12th
century or so! Interestingly enough, to quote again Dr. Lamy, “Everyone lives
with the nostalgia of the
perfect love, the wonderful 'happy ever after' love that continually eludes us
because we have forgotten that true love is primarily found within
ourselves.”
The self. In philosophy, the self is the
relationship of an individual’s own being, knowledge, and values. Ah, yes. I
love teaching philosophy not only because it is the first subject I taught
during my first year of teaching but most importantly because you can say
whatever you want with it and still utter profound truths within. First love, I
might say was felt because of this subject. Ah, love again. Yes, it is felt not
only within persons but also in courses or classes.
According to Friedrich Nietzsche, one of my
favorite philosophers by the way, “The demand to be loved is the greatest
of all arrogant presumptions” What a quote, huh? I guess he has a
point.
I don’t know where this blog is going now.
But, if for some reasons, you are still here. Well, thank you for your
interest.
How about you, what are your thoughts on
love?
