This House Regrets Sleeping in Front of the Bus

 By Didge Martin (he/him)

The essay will start in 3…2…1

There seems to be a lack of understanding about the concept behind sleeping, well, at least, for me personally, in the exact front of a coaster that only caters to half of your entire back. You might think counterintuitively so to speak. If you’re reading this and are already getting bored, please treat it like an assignment and endure it. Your name will appear immediately after a few paragraphs. Well, if you’re a FLIP debater who made it the Top 12 and competed in the SLIDEUP2024. Trust me, it’s going to be worth-it! 

A few responses from my side of the bench before the actual message of this essay: Beyond the pun-hunting inside malls, unusual heightened violence of laser tagging, ice-skating blunders, late-night swimming extensions, and campus-strolling/chaperoning, my journey back to UPLB for SLIDE UP 2024 with THE best speakers of Tuguegarao’s debaters, will be, I can safely assume, the highlight of my year. But the highlight is not the competition itself, it is the people I met and learned to love from a 4-day training and a 2-day competition. To loosely quote our famous JB Tan, maybe the breaks we had was the friendship we created all along. 

Let us picture paint: It is now 2:26 in the morning, inside a cramped coaster, Panic! At the Disco’s Victorious is playing in full volume from a wireless bluetooth headphones. Only the essayist is awake with the driver. The road is Santa Fe, the famous, nay, infamous bituka na daanan is being traversed. What would this look like in the realm of a typical ride? “This guy is absurd!” You might say. He is indeed. The thing is, there is no back rest in your seat, you might even be occasionally kicked by the person behind you, so imagine putting your shoes in his shoes, you might as well entertain yourself with loud music and writing in your Notes App. 

On to our motion extensions and crystallizing the case for our side of the bench: the actual message of the speech. To better build a case and avoid biased adjudication, the numbers do not necessarily reflect a rank of some sort and Paulinian debaters shall be listed last. Sorry, Paulinians. You probably deserve it. 

Speaker 1: Ashley Cordoba. Starting with Ashley. Ah, yes Ashley, our slay queen. Being able to witness your astute performance whenever being a Deputy is really, really, remarkable! Your dedication to the crafting of witty remarks with meaty substances is a feature I am excited to witness again soon! I kept saying whenever someone gives you a POI, “the opposing team ate, but Ashley devoured!” Also, your words resonate and walk as if they have feet of their own. How do you that? Excited for you, as always. Hear hear!

Speaker 2: Jozane Gollayan. Thank you first and foremost for sharing how difficult it is to deal with sibling rivalry when not being a debater. So, witnessing your whipping prowess is astounding! Considering you shifted from being Deputy to Whip, and slaying both roles, is a superpower! I appreciate how you encapsulate arguments with the tonality of being sassy yet being formal. I look forward to your next performance of being a superb Whip. Hear hear!

Speaker 3: Fatima Macapia. Ah, Fatima, yes. Our extemporaneous queen! How foolish of me to have a first impression that extemporaneous speaking won’t really help you in being a debater, because you proved it to be otherwise. I also am astonished at how you are astonished whenever we suggest strategies. Your enthusiasm is a burst of color in a dark world. The way you absorb learnings is also a feat only you can harness. Also, a side note, hopefully you enjoy reading Gravity Fall’s Journal no. 3.  Hear hear!

Speaker 4: Jose Miguel Arugay. Our debate rizzler. To be honest, I’m not really sure where your unofficial title came from. I guess it is from your consistent white tees and casual hair combing while speaking. Oh I know now, it is because you are so so so persuasive as well! That is your feat! “Keeping it local is best” as a takeaway from the debate competition is still too funny for me. What a remark! Well, in your debating skills, I hope you can harness it the point that your rizz skills are turned best case scenarios so you could find a significant other! Hear hear!

Speaker 5: Maria Princess Rye. First of all, I would like to posit that I am not a person who is necessarily “nakaka-angat sa buhay” just because of isolated cases. I rest my case. Anyway—your angst and quick witted responses towards motion analyses is a remarkably useful tool when you’re already debating. I hope you keep that fire ablaze! I apologize you had to see Oble before UPCAT Results. Maybe you need not to succumb to superstition to prove that you shall be an Iskolar ng Bayan. I’m pretty sure you already are one! Hear hear!

Speaker 6: Arianne Dumlao. For a person who looks like she can easily fit in the Manila or UPLB scene, your attitude of being a Promdi (from the province) girl with gutter humor is confusing a lot of people. People is me, to say the least. Also, you are not only a best speaker, you are a best shouter. But your debate skills—already almost perfect! Just need to polish it with “a little more aggression” and tie it back to extempo energy. Slay for you. But for me, you don’t only whip, you sweep the entire floor and annihilate its benches. Keep it up! Oh and yes, you are now officially my long lost sister. Matching Pisces energy and a Pengue kababayan, what else is there? Please don’t be a stranger. Hear hear!

Speaker 7: Lyka Cortez. How does it feel to be a flawless Prime Minister? Care to share any tips? No? Maybe still thinking about the aesthetic UPLB Tumbler you didn’t get, huh? Hopefully I can learn how to let go of it and ultimately donate it to you before we reach our homes. But all the more reason for you to go back go UPLB, right? Maybe what’s waiting for you is not only a tumbler but an announcement slide that you made it for breaks! (Cue your scream with Arianne) because you are best shouter No. 2. For being the youngest Speaker in the group, I officially declare you as our muse. Kidding. I hope to see you again the soonest time possible. Many thanks for suggesting the Strawberry Mango Tea from Macao Imperial. Also your EquiTeam and BaGirl suggestions were *chef’s kiss* (missed opportunities indeed) Next time eat faster so you won’t have to struggle running before the actual laser tag. Hear hear!

Speaker 8: JB Tan. If Arianne is my official long lost sister, then you are now my official long lost brother. How does it feel to be the funniest person in the room without even trying? My honest first impression of you is that you will be a person who will be difficult to be with because of how incredibly intimidating you can be. But boy, was I wrong. You are the wittiest person I know as of today. Your humor is top tier. Well, slapstick as you would say. I can’t even count the amount of internal laughs I had whenever you have witty remarks or just banter with people. You are not only a debater, but you are our happiness pill. Woof woof! Am I right? Hear hear!

At this point in time I am half asleep. But I can’t.  I mean I physically can’t anymore because I will be literally crushing madam Kia Joanna, our overall head chaperone and organizing team point person. She beat me to it.  I no longer have the temporal  nor spatial capability to deliver my sleep. I hope I can finish this essay before succumbing to sleep. 

On the Paulinian debaters!

Speaker 9: Adelyn Orata. Here’s the thing, you’re completely amazing! And that is a fact I can give to people. For being a whip to a first speaker, your first national debate competition is sure a great story to tell for the next batches. I admire you so much for always being knowledgeable about almost anything. May it be something deep, to something just being mundane. I do hope our conversations won’t end with debate premises. I look forward to more discussions with you. Hear hear!

Speaker 10: Jessa Dela Cruz. (Cue Hesus sa Krus music) okay, this might be subject to equity team, so I’ll stop right here. Jessa! The martyr debater, so to speak! The one thing you’ve feared the most has finally been conquered! Your extemporaneous speaking has finally taken its flight—and for that, what an amazing debater you are. Breaks or no breaks, I’m pretty sure you will use your new unlocked skill in many other endeavors in the future and I am excited for you. May the circumstances always align with your passions. Hear hear!

Speaker 11: Ian Allam. (Cue that whatever laugh you created or imitated) the first time I witnessed you debate a year ago, I honestly thought to myself, maybe this person is for broadcasting, not for debating. But boy, oh boy, you proved me wrong! Like I said in the past, you are an epitome of a comeback story worthy of experiencing a taste of UPLB before graduating. And to top it all off, from being a Prime to becoming a Whip is not an easy task. But you flawlessly adopted to the harsh environment of such, and for you that I am proud of you always!

Speaker 12: Einjel Martin. My best friend. And FLIP overall best speaker. I might not really show, but I am beyond proud of you my dearest sister. From the moment you were born, to today, and for always. I mean conquering UPLB twice? Breaks or no breaks, you have shown us the success stories every one needs to watch at least once in their life. Words aren’t even enough to explain how I am elated to have you as my sister. In the perspective of an average reasonable person, and in all likelihood of alternative realities or universes, I do not want any other sister but you. You are my best friend, my one text away chismis provider, and I am going to be always your number 1 fan. Hear hear!

Panels. The time is now 4:39 AM. We are at least 4 hours away from home and I am now done with my essay. Thus, we should not regret sleeping in front of the bus. For all these reasons, I have never been prouder to coach. 

Love hurts, and sometimes it’s good

We had a recollection last Tuesday and the main topic of the priest was “uso pa (ba) ang mga martyr?” 

In the context of Filipino culture, a martyr is someone who is a masochist of some sort. A person who enjoys being hurt for the sake of “love.” Say for example, a person who is overly attached to another person. Typically they will not see any type of red flag in their relationship. Worse, even if they are hurt, rejected, or abused, they will still choose to love them.

It was also at that time that I was with a colleague who was the epitome of the Filipino martyr. Hurt by someone who barely even loved her. The thing about their relationship is that they didn’t really work out. No boundaries set. No labels. Nothing. A typical one-sided or unreciprocated love. Being with her was really challenging because everything the priest said was indirectly received by her. I had quite a few bruises from her because of the priest’s “patama”

Dina Voina once said: “Love exists without any need for reciprocation. In fact, love without reciprocation can show strength, an individuality that doesn’t expect anything in return, and is courageous enough to give without feeling the need of wanting something back.”

She further added: “Consider this type of love as a gift, a wonderful gift of caring. If it is reciprocated, love blossoms and “takes form” in real life, and so a couple is formed. If not, love can blossom in your heart, but it can truly blossom only if you give the loved one freedom of choice and the liberty to spend time with whoever they want to. That’s what true love is about, anyway.”

As a Quora lurker, stumbling upon this quote was awesome! I mean, technically she has a point. Love is such a freaking complicated concept in this world and yet it is one of the most beautiful things a person could ever give or receive. The idea that we do crazy stuff because of love is baffling! (For the GOT fans out there, cue Jamie Lannister’s infamous “the things we do for love” scene)

I’ve written a song once, and its lyrics were: 

What does pain feel like for you?

Are they hurtful words or sentiments?

What does sorrow remind you of?

Were they memories lost in the past?

When love is far too much

the pain gets worse 

a lot of dreams are lost

when love hurts

When love hurts! Is it really supposed to be hurting us, really? I also once hurt a very good friend of mine. What I did to him was a poor taste of judgment, a product of a humor that was so misplaced. Words matter. Even if they are written or uttered. Sentiment wise, it did matter as well. It was also a reflection of who I was. Love, like words, can truly hurt. 

When I was a freshman in college, a friend of mine let me borrow this book entitled “The Catastrophic History of You and Me” this was a novel by Jess Rothenberg. The main protagonist (Brie) in the story died literally because of a heartbreak. To be more precise, she had a heart failure called acute congestive cardiomyopathy as her actual cause of death. In the book, she will explore as a person who is Dead and Gone (D&G) how love is such a complicated thing. She uncovers many secrets about her life while she is a sort-of-like a ghost wandering and looking for answers. She also meets a ghost boy in the “purgatory” world as she tries to resolve her own fate. This was such an interesting read! Shoutout to Trisha, who let me borrow this book. It was the best thing I read as a college freshman. (Trisha is now having her first baby, congratulations by the way, if ever you come across this!)

Oh dear, we’re getting old. But love is still here, isn’t it? Theoretically speaking, humans began “loving” each other as a whole procreation requirement of some sort. I mean, we all wanted to survive, hence, we needed our species to live. 

Also, as Dr. L. Lamy (2011) suggests: Beginning in ancient Greece, the consent of marriage was given by the father of the bride, who wasn't allowed an opinion of her own. So it was the father who had to be convinced of the interest the union of his daughter with a rich and prestigious, or at least worthy family, would bring. (Yikes) 

Courtly love even only begun around the 12th century or so! Interestingly enough, to quote again Dr. Lamy, “Everyone lives with the nostalgia of the perfect love, the wonderful 'happy ever after' love that continually eludes us because we have forgotten that true love is primarily found within ourselves.”

 

The self. In philosophy, the self is the relationship of an individual’s own being, knowledge, and values. Ah, yes. I love teaching philosophy not only because it is the first subject I taught during my first year of teaching but most importantly because you can say whatever you want with it and still utter profound truths within. First love, I might say was felt because of this subject. Ah, love again. Yes, it is felt not only within persons but also in courses or classes. 

 

According to Friedrich Nietzsche, one of my favorite philosophers by the way, “The demand to be loved is the greatest of all arrogant presumptions” What a quote, huh? I guess he has a point. 

 

I don’t know where this blog is going now. But, if for some reasons, you are still here. Well, thank you for your interest. 

 

How about you, what are your thoughts on love?

All Aboard the Holiday Express!

Christmas is sadder—not because of the reasons you think

As the sound of laughters fade,

and greetings stop,

you quietly retreat in your room

looking at its ceiling

seeing nothing;

feeling nothing;

only thinking: Christmas is sadder

not because of the reasons you think

not because of this pandemic 

nor the satire of people imitating 

the last sounds of the dying, 

decaying memories just because of 

an angered gun-holder

beholder of bursting birse

Being intrigued: Christmas is sadder

not because of the reasons you think

not because of failed states, 

nor temporary people

who betray consistencies of

your beloved good mornings 

nor that temporary bliss

that delay promises 

As the sound of laughters fade,

and greetings stop,

Christmas is sadder

not because you devoted too much time to the idea that everything will eventually be okay

it’s too big yet too little 

not enough really— getting frustrated of the little things;

covering shifts;

saving up for that brand new product;

pestering your siblings;

demanding accountability;

savoring your hard-earned money;

condemning merciless killings;

creating dissenting opinions;

having a losing streak;

not finishing requirements;

not being loved back;

dealing with grief;

battling worsening anxieties;

bothering those who are not being bothered;

Christmas was and is

Christmas was a barrier

that’s why it’s sadder

because it’s the only time

that you don’t bother thinking of these

 

Alas! It is better— if Christmas makes you forget

then I only wish for you to remember 

you always needed a stopover 

so you can continue struggling in order to progress 

but struggle better

and progress nonetheless 

On Irony, Acceptance, and the Films that come along with it

Disclaimer: this does not intend to sound privileged (as it may seem) I know there are numerous people suffering immensely and "blogging" is not the best solution to help alleviate the most unprecedented predicament our country and the world is facing right now. But I guess it's better than saying nothing at all. So please, by all means, be considerate.

Fetch me some Fe, will you?

Do you know a person who is so religious that even in the most unconventional manner, he/she would preach just to advance his/her belief? But, in the most frustrating situation, he/she is the same person who turns out to be so quiet when it comes to hearing news about killing and violation of basic human rights? 

What about a person who does not want to be dictated when it comes to his/her own decisions? Is he/she the same person who would dictate you how or how not to interpret a certain statement given by the authorities?

Here’s another one, maybe you know of someone who justifies ‘injustices’ blatantly given to the underrepresented? Is he/she the one who acts aggravated, full-level-pissed-off-innuendo-enraged individual when he/she does not receive proper support or treatment by the government?

No? I guess these people only exist in our imaginations then? Think again. If your boat is a big as mine, I sure hope we are cruising the same ocean. I meant, I don’t necessarily want you to be on the same boat, I just want you to follow my path.

I'm starting to believe that Irony is reality that governs this world. Not even Novelty nor any universal law developed by the greatest minds in history. You see, this is the problem. I know a lot of people who would easily give in to believing that nothing is wrong if you just follow the rules given. Well, technically, that is correct. But what about if the same rules no longer define the main purpose of its existence? How about that? Can you now see the irony in it?

The Father of Grisha Jaeger you hated but subconsciously embodied

I recently finished watching this colossal (get it?) franchise of an anime, Attack on Titan and it really, really changed my perspective on watching series, more so, the genre of anime. I mean, yes, I might be a few years late from this hype but I think its charm will remain timeless.

Okay, so let’s fast forward to season 3 and talk about the fascinating reveal of “The Subjects of Ymir” and all its conspiracy. For the fans of the show, you know by heart what I am talking about. Yes, the not-so-big reveal of this century-old secret in the forsaken world where Titans causally eat humans, not for food reasons, but…for fun. Take note, I am only speaking for the animated series because I never read the manga, yet. Stop bashing me.

Alright, sorry. Do you all remember that fu***r of a father Grisha had? In case you didn’t know, his own daughter was mercilessly killed by the “police” letting her be attacked by dogs. Yes, that person is the same person who chose to shut up and listen to authorities rather than to act furiously and say something back to the people who run the government, or what’s left of it in that manner.

Now, there are a lot of individuals who embody Grisha’s father. That, is in and of itself, bad. But ladies and gentlemen, if you hated that fu***r and you remained neutral or sided with the recent wrongdoings of the government, you perfectly gone full circle in drinking that Fe you have inside you. That’s even worse. How ironic, am I right?

I know, this is fiction and no way in this world human-eating-for-fun Titans exists. But that’s the beauty of films and series, right? It transports us into a different world (that is Escapism. The thing you feel when you are immersed watching a quality movie) and then lets us go back to our real world to apply what we have learned when we have escaped for two hours and a half. I mean, if you only watch a movie so you can finally devour the snack you’ve always wanted, then, it’s a shame. I guess my point is, stop being so neutral with whatever’s happening, man. Or woman.

We hated Regina George, but did we really?

           

Okay, now on with some chick-flick classic in the early 2000s when Lindsay Lohan’s career was still stable. You all know the story, right? Mean Girls was such a hallmark of a movie that it basically described what a typical high-school would be like. With some casual bus-hitting accidents from time to time.

My actual takeaway from this is not really about fighting against those mean girls that kept bothering you your whole life (when you’re in high-school) it’s about not giving a fu** about them and just living on with what you really love to do. So, you can’t sit with them. Well, boo-hoo. What’s the big deal, honey?

Did we really hate Regina George, or did we secretly see ourselves in the way she acted all throughout the movie? Yes, you’re right. We can never be not judgmental. It’s as if the whole point of the movie is to acknowledge the fact that have been Reginas at some point in our lives, and it so much hurt us that we cannot be as beautiful as Rachel McAdams, but in a sense, we have always been waiting for that real transformation that we need: to eradicate validation as a norm for acceptance.

Validation, in an aspect suitable for you then, is so overrated. The true person who deserve the crown, is the one who never needs it. The one, who will never need it.

We will eventually be infinite, like Charlie, Sam, and Patrick

Oh, wow. This movie is just so beautiful. It’s a masterpiece in our time and it will transcend for future viewers who will eventually get tired of teen angst and occasional weird hormones. Although I don’t think there is a right age to watch this movie, I best believe that it should be watched around the time you feel profound at the same time lost. So 18-23, I guess? Fair warning: it may also cause some triggers for mental health issues, but I think the beauty of it is that it was not over acknowledged nor under acknowledged.

The thing is, for those of who watched it, aside from the fact that maybe you’re too focused on how much of a hottie Ezra Miller or Emma Watson is (or both; depending on your preference) and the same fact that Logan Lerman’s awkwardness made you fall in love with awkward boys or made you want to be the same awkward boy is so chaotic and profound at the same time.

The movie does not only tell a story; it also directs you to be part of each chapter. The consistencies made you believe that when movies are too relatable, they are not automatically designed to make you feel miserable or paranoid.

Maybe the ‘friend’ Charlie was talking to was unconsciously sent to himself, or to Patrick, or to Sam, or even to Maria Elizabeth. But, eventually, if, or when you can come to your senses, best believe that is, or was rather written for you, the reader and the watcher.

The Quarantine has just begun, so must you.

Eventually, we’ll be in our beds again. Thinking of the most wicked thoughts we can have. But for formalities sake, I hope you have a good sleep.

My Shampoo smells like Existential Crisis

You know what they say that when you're taking a shower, it is that one true time that you experience your real sentiments about life? I guess it is true, at times. 

Showering at night sucks, especially when the water (plus the weather) is cold as f**k. The worst part is, (if you don't have a heater) since it's already past bed-time, you can't really wait for water to boil. But in rare cases, it really, really sucks when in the middle of your showering, all of a sudden, the shampoo smells like Existential Crisis. At this moment, you can't literally scream but your thoughts are louder than the Karaoke being played in the neighbor's lawn. 

So much for being a Public Administration and Legal Management degree holder, my job to impart knowledge is limited to Politics and Governance and guess what, Philosophy. Yup, I am a philosophy teacher. Guess it makes sense now, huh? 

"So, now you're an adult now. Great, right? It's really not." I can't imagine existing for two decades was this difficult. The bigger question is: am I even? What even is existence? Or living, for that matter? I earn, I have a paycheck for most of the times that I don't need money, I pay taxes and the bills, I go to church, I give my parents the due respect they deserve, I have a stable relationship with my girlfriend, I follow the rules of my employer, I abhor the government's failures I.. I.. I... I exist. I am an adult. Doing adult things. Great, right? It's really fu***ng not. As an anti-quote, what a great time to be un-alive! Oh great, it's also raining outside.

As Rick Sanchez would say "Listen to your sister, Morty. To live is to risk it all, otherwise you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you. Oh, I'm sorry, Jerry, I didn't see you there, how much of that did you hear?" At that point of showering time, I was Jerry. Oh yes, I was. I heard everything and my mind wondered and wandered off. What if we are not Humans but rather are really just inert-chunks-of-randomly-assembled-molecules? (That's a long common name.) Sometimes you can't help but to think that we are just cogs in a machine. A spare part inside a big scam that is life. It's fun to teach Philosophy but it's never fun if you comprehend it to an extent that it affects the smell of your shampoo. Maybe all shampoos smell the same for other people, but in rare cases, it reeks with anomalies that questions life itself. 

source: (https://me.me/i/to-live-is-to-risk-it-all-otherwise-youre-just-0bc3072c02e140939202dc7bcf5c78ef)

So there I am, showering and contemplating about life. Too deep, I guess. This endeavor might even marginally affect our water bill for December, I thought for myself. And then it hit me, maybe that's the reason for existence; to question the very essence of existence. You know what they say that the true meaning of life is to give life meaning? Kind of? Okay, then, you know as well that the ability of the human being to question is one of the rarest ability any species in this earth can acquire? Yes, because that constitutes our freedom. The questioner is always free because no one even forces him to do such.  In the array of my thoughts, I have concluded that: To question is to be free, and to be free is give meaning, and to give meaning is to understand life, and to understand life is to exist. 

(Advertisement; sort of) Let's also talk about love at this moment of time. Love, ah. It's one of the most complicated feeling or emotion. Is it even? You know how all of us are limited persons, and yet it feels like when we love, everything transcends. As something the movie Interstellar (2015) would suggest, the only thing that transcends time and space, is non other than love itself.  To top it all, as Ma. Francesca (my girlfriend and the person I love the most) would tell me at one point in our mundane-yet-deep conversations, "Love transcends even love itself" That, I thought, nay, I knew, was so fu***ng philosophical. I think this is also an important element that is needed to understand our existence. 

Let's go back to Rick's quote and understand it's underlying meaning: the important element is of course to look at life (as Rick would suggest) as a risk. Otherwise, it's nothing.To look at life as a risk is supposed to be default for all of us. Because it is only in the risky moments that we get to move, we get to decide, we get to live life and exist. We can't see life as a death-rehearsal. We must not. Therefore having existential crisis is a precondition for us to have existence! Sort of.

I guess my shower will, from time to time, still smell like existential crisis; for I am not even nearly a percent of this universe but at least, I understood at least 1% of something. 

Oh, look, the sun is now shining. 

Getting Old

This Might be a Year (or two) Late

DJ Martin

“I’m never getting old”

“Me neither”

These lines came from the TV Series Thirteen Reasons Why which I believe [from] Season 1 Episode 9 around 30 minutes or so. Of all the strong lines that gave a striking message, or produced quality content that of a series, these two struck me most. It’s really simple. It’s just six words separated in two phrases coming from Clay Jensen and Hannah Baker. It came to me that as I was finishing this series how serious small situations, sometimes not even harmful at all, can construct bigger and much heavier effects that fucks (sorry for the language) everything up. I never finished it yet—I procrastinated (in terms of watching this series) for about half a year and I am already outdated with the second season already coming out (or probably is already out)

What pushed me to write this without even finishing the episode is very simple. I knew what Clay meant and it didn’t even occur to me that such line is becoming an unspoken mantra of mine. No one ever wants to get old yet no one ever stays young. I think I get what he meant in that exact line considering what was happening to him as the episodes progress. For all those who already watched the show, it’s pretty clear that the happenings speak a strong language that sends a message on how depression may kill. But with this essay, I won’t tackle much about that. I particularly would like to address how Clay wants to portray whatever is or was going on in his mind. He was either honest or sarcastic when he said that yet he never wanted to change even though he knew for a fact he’ll be old. On a deeper aspect, he does not want to forget what happened to Hannah unlike all the other students who listened to the tapes and what’s worse was he almost didn’t realize that he is getting old—all the circumstances were pushing him to move on. He deemed himself useless and seeing the world like shit coming out because of a cesspool of idiot high-school students who are either self-centered or just indifferent or worse, both. I just realized in the weirdest way that life can be self-centered or indifferent or even be both but in a perspective where no one wins because everyone has a point. In the saddest way, we either want to leave it or live it. We don’t want to get old but sometimes as we say that line, we don’t realize we already are. We are already there and we choose to ignore, we choose to not choose.

Maybe I never watched enough episodes or maybe I haven’t watched anything yet. Let’s see on a more profound essay.

Thank you for reading!

The Original Hardwoker

"In his Autisticated Journey"
 A Eulogy for Jovince Ortega

by: DJ Martin


They say you could never cherish life not without experiencing its absence first. I believe in this somehow. Now that a life has passed. A life of a good man. They say he never be killed since he is already a zombie. But for now I would cherish life even more. Zombie or not, he will always be Jovince Ortega.

A zombie, a  humorist, a hustler, a friend. I have known Jovince for quite some time now. Well, 7 years to be exact. The first time we met, I already knew his name yet he didn't have a single clue what was mine. It was a getting-to-know activity in class first day of school- first year high school. One of the many firsts I had with Jovince is the unusual encounter of being a friend.

How did it happen? Well, it was quite simple. I just assumed that a very skinny and awkward boy wearing a striped-polo that seems to be his favorite (since he wore it to impress) is a Jovince Ortega. And amazingly I was correct- the chances of probability in 1 out of 11 boys- I have guessed right the first time.

You see, the thing about Jovince is he doesn't need to show off or even tell his name for you to know he is a Jovince Ortega, he just exists and you just know. On that day I knew deep in me that he's going to be one of the most important persons that I could ever have, and I was right yet again.

So on to how he became my best friend. Frankly, I can't quite remember how it even happened. It was spontaneous to say the least and it was the best. I remember one particular group activity (when we were still first year HS) that he was trying to be funny telling jokes of his own interpretations and nobody got him but me. The things is, he always gives a sense of humor in all aspects that we might partake no matter how serious or dubious the circumstances that might come between us. He is the class clown and his belligerent puns and jokes are bad they become good. Good in such a way that if knocks people off their feet. It's not about the joke per se but how he delivers it. And that I think is one of the most important aspect he has. His humor is innate.

Since then, I thought I could be with him for I knew myself I'm the person he'll always get as well- and yes I was always right- no doubt in that. He became my best friend and he still is since nothing ever came in us that might've torn us apart. Well, except in one case. I remember how we both fell in love with the same girl- oh dear God, it was oblivious. It didn't even occur to me that my best bro would like the same girl I wanted. This doesn't mean anything by the way- I am just trying to emphasize a point. (If you're hearing this right now Jov, I'm sorry. How's heaven by the way?) Anyway, so this happened and I thought even our friendship will be at stake. But God used his power and might to stop once and for all our being 'rivals.' It was a short span of time and it didn't even looked like it happened. You know what bound us together? MUSIC. Ha, yes music. That- we'll always be hooked to.

Jovince influenced me in listening to famous pop punk bands especially one of the greatest- All Time Low. He put a little color to my dull music taste and he influenced me so much also in learning how to play the guitar (and actually being good at it)- and also in forming a band that would later on influence me to other good music stuff. He has a very good taste in music and I'm glad that I got it as well.

It all boils to one thing- Jovince. You know what? He is the best. I could talk endlessly in trying to prove why he is the best but I don't want to oversell him he might come back to life or something.

Kidding aside, of all people who tried to stay in my life- Jovince is one of the most consistent. (Mostly because he is consistent with begging me in making his assignments and essays and other bunch of school stuff.) But you what I really realized? He uses me. Always. Kidding- he needs me.  Always. Like a bastard he is but in a good way. He never failed to amaze me. He has magical hands that could transform a blank paper to a series of skyscrapers in precise and aesthetic measurements of reality in his imagination. He is a useful zombie who already ate multiple brains to put him to where he is right now. He is the most humble person I know and if he were here right now, he would even deny I said such- that's how humble he is. And more importantly he cares for his family more than anyone else and he never fails to amaze them as well.

In all the tines we had, I always knew he was there. In the good times and even in the worst. He would lend me a shelf if my room is so messy because of my stupid frustrations. He would offer me his house whenever mine is occupied with hate and uncertainty. He feeds me with his innovative ideas that I can't even fully grasp. He is someone else- and by that I mean he could reach even further than anyone else even if he's not here anymore.

If you could hear me right now my dear bro. I want to thank you for everything. You never ceased to amaze me; you never ever abandoned me in all circumstances and for that I am forever grateful.

This is for you. And your autisticated journey. I wish you would've realized by now that your absolutely great adventures wouldn't be as autisticated if it weren't for and with me.

I wish to see you again on your favorite striped-polo and awkwardness and I won't even care if you dressed to impress. I would always want to experience it if it means I could see you again. Don't you silly things out there will you?

Catch up soon, brother. Rest now. In the utmost peace you could ever have.

Good bye. For now.



~ ~

P.S My friend is still alive and well if you might ask. This is just a mock eulogy for his school requirement.

Peace!

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it. See you in the next post!