I've Been Looking Up to Heaven While Im Crying Over You

Morbid Thoughts Grounded on White Gloves and Medical Robes
By: Didge Martin 🤘

Just recently a few days ago, I had to visit a hospital because my great grandfather was confined after having diagnosed with a condition where his large intestine was blocked by something that led to something and something, I don't know stuff about that.

But anyway, ever since I was a kid, I was terrified of hospitals; just the mere thought of it brings me the chills. I don't exactly know how or why but perhaps it was because of the low resistance or response of my body to blood, or anything remotely involved to pain, the bones...anything medical weakens my whole system. Of course another major factor are the horror movies that haunted me forever involving scenes at the hospital, and also in such cases where hospitals really, really gives you an eerie feeling whenever you walk on long hallways or hear something that possibly tells you it's a spirit or a ghost. I don't know, it's just insane for a fact that hospitals are supposed to be happy places because it's a place of hope, but also, it's a place where a lot of people die- well, that's what I mean, why it's bizarrely scary.

On to my first point; watching my great grandfather hold on into his dear life grips my heart knowing that the only thing keeping him alive are the machines that monitor him from time to time. His deteriorating health made me realize that his 92 years of conquering the world is so beautiful in so many ways, I mean, wow... ninety two prominent years of living the life of being a peaceful son, brother, father, grandfather, great grandfather, friend you could ever have. My point is, enjoy life no matter how fucked up it is. You might as well reach his age if you do things the way they are supposed to be done.

Well you see, that's how life works. A cyclic paradox; death is waiting to be unraveled by the risk-takers and most feared by, well, the normal people.

Now on to my next point; ah, yes the title. You must be a bit confused. White gloves and medical robes, seems like a Grey's Anatomy kind of first episode title. Medical professionals are so far the rarest yet most admired jobs in the world. If you're a doctor, you're like... a life bender, or something. Healing people like you have super powers, I mean wow you could stop or prevent a person from dying! That's something amazing, well for a temporary time in our case. We aren't immortals, but doctors subdue us like we are. Its rhythmic and hypothetical in a sense, but it's still astonishing. You know what I mean? But also, it always led me to the thought of death, and anything related to it. I know, morbid... morbid indeed.

It made me realize that possibly the rarest thing to be appreciated are such entities revolving around a medical ward because the thought of death is directly attached to such. Why of all places I think of death connected to hospitals? Well the same way I see death as something reasonably impeccable; it's like the hospital is a station where there are only two trips:

1.) ONE WAY TICKET TO STAY ON EARTH. Well it's obvious, if the doctors can point out miraculous life-saving acts then definitely a lot of people will travel here. Then there's also
2.) ONE WAY TICKET TO THE GREAT BEYOND. There is something about the hospital where prayers are more sincere than those at churches. Probably because  the people who are on the brink of their last breath tell the most fervent and honest goodbyes.

Death is something that you can not fully grasp; but it makes you cherish the importance of life

Death is something that you can not fully grasp. But on a brighter note, it's not the finish line; it's a checkpoint that says "Congratulations. You survived the first round of life. On to the next level" but before it there's this option that says "Play Again or Continue Next Level?"

Well, like we have a choice. Or God, if I may add says so and rewrites a person's story.

I know it's ridiculously fundamental to think of life and death as a game of survival. But, that's the point of living, right? To experience something and to move on to another after gaining such lessons that something provided to you. It is a ludicrous claim and a sensible idea at the same time! How utterly convenient.


~

How about you? What do you think about hospitals and how death correlates with such place?

Feel free to comment or share this post or read more of my blogs by pressing the home button. Thank you so much and God bless! And as always, be updated! ☺️

Dahan Dahan, Baka Pati Ika'y Mabiktima

Bakit kaya? Paano nga ba? Siguro naman. Sana balang araw.
By: Didge Martin 🤘

Bakit kaya hindi ko lubos mattangap na tayo'y napuno ng ligaya?
Bakit kaya sa tuwing nagsasalubong ang ating mata ay magkaiba ang nadarama?
Bakit kaya hindi mo lubos magustuhan ang mga pagkatataon sa'ting dalawa?
Bakit kaya ikaw at ako ay hindi pinagbibigyan ng tadhana?

Paano nga ba tayo napunta sa ganito?
Paano nga ba nabuo ang ideya na ikaw ang mundo ko?
Paano nga ba kita natiis sa lahat ng pagkakataong pinaasa mo lang ako.
Paano nga ba ako lilisan kung alam kong mahal mo rin pala ako?

Siguro naman ako parin sa huli.
Siguro naman sa hindi ko pagbitaw ay ika'y matutong kumapit kahit man lang sandali.
Siguro naman mayroon akong maasahan mula sa'yo.
Siguro naman sa paglipas ng panahon, maaring mahalin mo na rin ako.

Sana balang araw, iyong maalala na ako'y umibig ng walang kaduda-duda
Sana balang araw matanggap ko na rin na hindi tayo para sa isa't-isa.
Sana balang araw mawala nalang lahat itong hinanakit sa sistema
Sana balang araw maglalaho ka na lamang na parang bula.

And I Hope That You Remember Me

La Liquidaridad : A Cry for Freedom 📝
By: Didge Martin 🤘

I stand by my principle;
That some day all of you will be saved
From the wrath of this evil.
For I am steadfast to honoring all men

The world is gradually fading
Like our tainted love; it's so devastating
The loyalty you once showed me,
Eventually died as you were tainted by mockery.

We will stand against our audacious enemies;
Conquering our fears and defeating anomalies
Together we can rise and bring honor to all
Spectacularly winning our own battles.

What was once promised will happen,
Believe me, I tell you that my friends:
It will eventually a victorious reality
One day or another, we will be free!

Set all things straight,
Leave no hatred behind.
We will surmount our own-selves triumphantly
As the light of the morning sun greets us with glee.

We will rise again!
We will no longer be dictated by false leaders!
We will stand as one to exasperate;
And together... we will dominate!

Superman got nothing on me 😜

True Heroes Don't Wear Capes ✍️️
By: Didge Martin 🤘

~ ~

You've admired them all,
The extraordinary people who always save the town;
The supernatural characters who won't let you down.
The stupefying icons who started from zero;
The so-called SUPERHEROES.

But the underlying question will always be:
Why would such superheroes exist in the first place? If chaos reigned the human era, why won't the same humans save it?

But that's the ironic beauty inside.
Most superheroes were just normal human beings until, of course, they have been experimented with, or they have been bitten by an animal that eventually transferred all their powers into their liking or whatsoever.

And then, there's the common introduction. The origin of such heroes. The several backstories that are often tragic or brutally repressed.

I mean, what do you get among these types of stories? Pity? Shame? Revenge? A sense of inspiration? Motivation? How in the world will children understand that you have to be this close to dying first before becoming a mutant or an immortal superhuman?

It's ideally cliche or morbidly too good to be true. And for me it is sometimes... deafening and meaningless or skeptical.

Well, of course as a child, I grew up admiring several superheroes that made me, a normal kid.
Staying late up all night binge watching episodes of my favorite series of Marvel and DC, and even collecting action figures and mimicking their certain powers whenever I deemed to.

But somehow deep down in me, I haven't quite grown fondly on believing that they actually helped me progressed as a child.

Sure, even adults nowadays are still hooked by the latest Avengers Movie, even they have massive collections of toys and action figures that costs twice the price of what they're actually saving for. I can't blame them for a fact that these types of 'joys' make them, human.

Yes, humans love superheroes. We do, we all do. We try to be them, as a matter of fact. But why?

Yes. Why?

If Bruce Wayne's parents death and his fear of bats inspired him to be the "Batman", what difference does it make to a normal kid whose parents where killed in an accident or an ambush, perhaps, that still can't claim justice because his family is just poor. He can't be Batman in an instant. Was it that Bruce was richer than the rest of the kids his age? Or was it the idea that being able to conquer one's fear will eventually bring out the best in you in times of despair and hopelessness? I sometimes get confused of why there needs to be a reason, something that will push you first into liking before you'll make a difference. Can it be innate for starters? Will it take you to be rich first and experience loss before taking a leap of faith and do good?

If Superman's planet never exploded and  they're in good terms with the rest of their godly affairs, will he ever know Earth?
If Clark Kent decided to be a normal human being forever, will it make a difference? What if Lois knew that Clark is indeed Superman and she asks him to stop being a hero to Metropolis and focus on they're relationship, will their relationship last better? See that, everything needs to be systematically set straight before all things are grounded to reality and life goes on. It's inevitably paradoxical in a sense.

Well, what I'm trying to say is that, eventually normal people will realize that fantasy will always stay the same no matter how you'll try to shape the world into your own liking. It's how the system of reality works.

There's this renowned quote I've always admired that is actually speaking the truth: "True Heroes don't wear capes", Indeed we can be heroes in our own subtle ways. No need to have these fancy superpowers and such. What the world needs is a groundbreaking new set of normal human beings who try to save the world with their own skills and abilities that are superhuman-like yet all but good and true and realistic in terms.

Oh, Childhood Ruined!

Morbidly [Singing] My Nursery Rhymes ⛈☠️
By: Didge Martin 🤘

~ ~

What if the little stars that always twinkle wonder what I am?
Will I ever be exorbitantly capable of pleasing all of them?
Will I be up above the world so high? Expecting that the only true diamond in the sky will eventually die.

If life is but a dream,
Will I keep rowing my boat that's almost sinking?
Will I be merrily, merrily reaching my goal as the drastic sea of troubles engulf and eventually drown my consciousness dreaming?

If this is such a small world after all,
Why does hatred still embody our own domiciles and destroy our soul?
If this is such a small world after all,
Why are there disputes on the national interests; blaming one another on who should take the fall?

Whatever happened to that little lamb Mary had?
Was it eventually forgotten when Mary met a very gentle lad?
Did the Hunting Wolf successfully torment the poor young sheep?
Perhaps that's why Mary and his lad had comfortable woolly sheets.

Speaking of sheep,
Has Baa Baa Black Sheep gone too far and deep?
Oh, its perpetuated wool;
Three-bag full.
I know I won't be the master nor the dame,
For I'll always be a little boy living down the lane.

Oh how I miss old McDonald and his farm
All his animals were so gentle and calm.
But who will take care of them now; Imagine the plight!
If he has travelled and passed through the light.

I wish I haven't given you my all.
If Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
He would've been shattered into multiple damned pieces.
Just like how my heart felt when you left me, complaining with endless screeches.

It's time to end this poem with the oh-so-famous Alphabet Song.
ABCs that were always there all along-

Assertive enough that I portrayed
Bizarre yet hauntingly true realizations;
Couldn't stop tickling this brain of mine.

Now I know my ABC,
Next time won't you appraise with me?
So long, farewell.
I hope we meet again.
I never thought that nursery rhymes can be morbid; not until then.

Hanggang Saan Tayo Makakarating?

A Slam Poetry performed by Yours Truly, Didge Martin

~ ~

Lumilipad lang lagi ang aking kaisipan;

Bago pa man matuklasan ang grabidad,

Ito'y umiiral na noon pa man, magpasawalanghanggan

Parang pag-ibig ko sa'yo, hindi pa man nagsisimula,

Alam kong wala na itong katapusan

Lingid lang sa iyong kaalaman;

Labis kitang naiisip; tuwing malamig

Labis kitang naiisip; tuwing tulog ko'y mahimbing

Labis kitang naiisip; tuwing kakain

Labis kitang naiisip; tuwing sasapit na ang dilim

Ngunit sa paglipas ng oras, ako'y mapapaisip

Ayaw ko nang makipagsapalaran sa tadhanang 'di ko naman kinakaya

Ayaw ko nang makipagsapalaran sa tadhanang wala naman akong pag-asa

Simula noong nakilala kita

Sinabi mo nalang sana sa umpisa,

Na tayo'y maglalaro lang pala.

Ang mga nararamdaman ay parang nasa aspeto ng patintero;

Bawala magpahuli, kundi ika'y mapapahamak lamang

Ang mga nararamdaman ay parang nasa aspeto ng tumbang preso;

Bawala mahulog kundi ika'y mahihirapan bumangon kinabukasan

O di kaya'y tagu-taguan; pahirapan pang malaman kung nasaan nga ba ang tunay na nararamdaman, meron nga ba o palasaisipan lamang?

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nagkulang

Patawad, ako'y nagkakamali rin

Ngunit ang hindi ko maintindihan,

Ay kung bakit mawawala ka na lamang ng walang paalam?

PAALAM- saan nanggaling ang salitang yan?

Walang pinagbasehan, walang patutunguhan

Teka nga muna, simulan natin kung paano nagkaroon ng ganitong ideya

Gusto na ba kita noon pa man, o ginusto lamang kita dahil sa bugso ng nararamdaman?

Naalala mo ba kung paano mo ako unang pina-ngiti sa mga simpleng bagay na pinapakita mong hindi naman nauusisa sa simula?

Naalala mo ba ang unang pagkakataon na nagkahawak ang ating mga kamay't tibok ng puso'y 'di maipaliwanag ang nadarama?

Naalala mo ba ang lahat? O sadyang ang mga magagandang ala-ala para sa akin ay normal lamang na  mga pagkakataon para sa'yo?

Hindi ko lubos maisip kung paano ako nakarating sa ganito. Saan nga ba tayo patungo?

Tumatakbo sa aking isipan, sumasagi lagi sa aking konsensya, nauubusan na ng pasensya

Naalala mo ba ang lahat? Ilang beses ba kitang susuyuin para pahalagaan ang nakaraan?

"Ang Nakaraan" minsan linya sa teleserye,

Madalas ala-alang may iniiwang mensahe

Mapait man o matamis, merong bigat na hindi mapapantayan ng kasalukuyan

Ang mga posibilidad ay hindi ko hawak ngunit patuloy kong hinahanapan ng paraan

Ngunit namulat ako sa realidad na tayo'y pawang imahinasyon lamang

Ang nakaraan; gustung-gusto mong balik-balikan ngunit hanggang dito ka na lamang

Nagiwan ng mga 'di mapapantayan na memorya

Nagiwan din ng pighati sa 'yong sistema

Patawad sa masyado kong pagunawa

Na ang pagbigay ko ng interpretasyon sa atin ay umaapaw

Pinupuno ng pusong ito; patuloy na sumusugod kahit sugat-sugat na

Patawad kung akala ko ang puso mo'y magrabo

Ang katotohanan pala ay mas masahol pa sa aso

Ang puso mo'y parang yelong napakalamig; parang gusto ko na itong basagin

Patawad kung masyado akong umasa sa'yo

Nang dahil sa hindi pagkakaunawaan, tayo'y nagkagulo

Napagiwanan ako, naging parang siraulo

Patawad, ako'y nagbigay lamang ng pagmamahal sa'yo

Ang dami ko nang nabitawang salita; nakaabot na tayo sa yugtong ito

Hanggang saan nga ba makakarating ang piyesang ito?

Patuloy na bumubulabog sa buong pagkatao ko,

Kung meron nga ba talagang 'tayo'

Kung meron nga ba talagang 'tayo' - saan tayo nabibilang?

Kung meron nga ba talagang 'tayo' - saan tayo pupunta?

Kung meron nga ba talagang 'tayo'; Hanggang Saan Tayo Makakarating?

Pluviophilic Thoughts

Excerpts from my Instagram captions

The Shortest Poems; the deepest meanings bombarded between belief and doubt:

Too many leaves of my past has already fallen and decomposed.
But there will always be new ones.
Not all who fall are necessarily hurt;
Sometimes you just do, so you can spring to be better. 🍃🍂🌳

I wonder why I chose to be lost,
Deciding not to pause;
I wonder how it would be,
To wander off and find prosperity 🐈

Gravity pulls me back
As I walk past this path
It tells me I'm missing something
But I can't quite figure it yet
~
Maybe it's you.
Maybe it's just gravity messing with me.
Just, maybe. 🛣🎹

Will the rain ever fall down?
Will we even know how long will it last?
Will you ever be there if I start to fall too? ☔

CHEESY HUGOTS

“It is safer to search in the maze, than remain in a cheese-less situation”

Life, as we all know is full of tribulations. We may not see it now, but it comes naturally. Although, the predicaments we always see, is in an ironic viewpoint which might tend to be our path to the luxury of life; we always complain why we always have to feel down and whatsoever bad attribute might be thrown to us we see to it that we must feel good in the end, but we have to take not that the most important lesson of all, is pain.
           It is safer to be stuck on a situation where you might think all hope is gone, but on the end, what you really like to have from the very start will be achieved through hardships so to be fully satisfied, rather than to chill on a place where everything is there, all luxury and the like but in the end, no satisfaction is guaranteed.
           In life, we always have to see to it that in pain, we see our glory and in death, we experience life. We might be the most grateful man on the world, but without the will to have been able to enable that gratitude on stepping to that gratefulness, then it is but useless; we have to think it is better and much safer to search in the maze, rather than to remain in a cheese-less situation.

“Movement in new direction helps you find new cheese”

As we go through all the happenings we face on our day-to-day basis of living, what really bears to constant is change. If we always stick to our old habits of making ourselves miserable and make our “cheese” unknown or unfounded, then we remain to be so; we remain to keep it that way.
            As a process, he have to be able to learn how to move into new directions just to create a brand new atmosphere for us and to forget about the bitterness we have always kept inside the deepest parts of our hearts. We have to consider that all the bad things that may have hurt us will just be deleted if we know how to be in exile and transfer to a new beginning.
            We may see life as if we are stuck into a reality that we can no longer escape, but we have to remember that moving into new directions helps us to find new cheese for ourselves.

“The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you find new cheese”

“When you’re dreaming with a broken heart, and waking up is the hardest part” – a line from a song of John Mayer. It actually tells about how moving on is really a difficult task to do and to spare. We always see how we tend no to forget people and if we do, we seek for more or others to be able for them to fill the spaces of our loss.
            The quickest way of acquiring new cheese is by the vast-letting-go of what we really feel. If we hold too much already, for too long already- maybe for an eternity too, then we are bound to be likened to a prey which cannot live without its host.
            We see how to let go is hardest part of accepting, but it is the most practical and right thing to do when we are hurt; and that’s why the quicker we let go of old cheese, the sooner we find a new one.