On Irony, Acceptance, and the Films that come along with it

Disclaimer: this does not intend to sound privileged (as it may seem) I know there are numerous people suffering immensely and "blogging" is not the best solution to help alleviate the most unprecedented predicament our country and the world is facing right now. But I guess it's better than saying nothing at all. So please, by all means, be considerate.

Fetch me some Fe, will you?

Do you know a person who is so religious that even in the most unconventional manner, he/she would preach just to advance his/her belief? But, in the most frustrating situation, he/she is the same person who turns out to be so quiet when it comes to hearing news about killing and violation of basic human rights? 

What about a person who does not want to be dictated when it comes to his/her own decisions? Is he/she the same person who would dictate you how or how not to interpret a certain statement given by the authorities?

Here’s another one, maybe you know of someone who justifies ‘injustices’ blatantly given to the underrepresented? Is he/she the one who acts aggravated, full-level-pissed-off-innuendo-enraged individual when he/she does not receive proper support or treatment by the government?

No? I guess these people only exist in our imaginations then? Think again. If your boat is a big as mine, I sure hope we are cruising the same ocean. I meant, I don’t necessarily want you to be on the same boat, I just want you to follow my path.

I'm starting to believe that Irony is reality that governs this world. Not even Novelty nor any universal law developed by the greatest minds in history. You see, this is the problem. I know a lot of people who would easily give in to believing that nothing is wrong if you just follow the rules given. Well, technically, that is correct. But what about if the same rules no longer define the main purpose of its existence? How about that? Can you now see the irony in it?

The Father of Grisha Jaeger you hated but subconsciously embodied

I recently finished watching this colossal (get it?) franchise of an anime, Attack on Titan and it really, really changed my perspective on watching series, more so, the genre of anime. I mean, yes, I might be a few years late from this hype but I think its charm will remain timeless.

Okay, so let’s fast forward to season 3 and talk about the fascinating reveal of “The Subjects of Ymir” and all its conspiracy. For the fans of the show, you know by heart what I am talking about. Yes, the not-so-big reveal of this century-old secret in the forsaken world where Titans causally eat humans, not for food reasons, but…for fun. Take note, I am only speaking for the animated series because I never read the manga, yet. Stop bashing me.

Alright, sorry. Do you all remember that fu***r of a father Grisha had? In case you didn’t know, his own daughter was mercilessly killed by the “police” letting her be attacked by dogs. Yes, that person is the same person who chose to shut up and listen to authorities rather than to act furiously and say something back to the people who run the government, or what’s left of it in that manner.

Now, there are a lot of individuals who embody Grisha’s father. That, is in and of itself, bad. But ladies and gentlemen, if you hated that fu***r and you remained neutral or sided with the recent wrongdoings of the government, you perfectly gone full circle in drinking that Fe you have inside you. That’s even worse. How ironic, am I right?

I know, this is fiction and no way in this world human-eating-for-fun Titans exists. But that’s the beauty of films and series, right? It transports us into a different world (that is Escapism. The thing you feel when you are immersed watching a quality movie) and then lets us go back to our real world to apply what we have learned when we have escaped for two hours and a half. I mean, if you only watch a movie so you can finally devour the snack you’ve always wanted, then, it’s a shame. I guess my point is, stop being so neutral with whatever’s happening, man. Or woman.

We hated Regina George, but did we really?

           

Okay, now on with some chick-flick classic in the early 2000s when Lindsay Lohan’s career was still stable. You all know the story, right? Mean Girls was such a hallmark of a movie that it basically described what a typical high-school would be like. With some casual bus-hitting accidents from time to time.

My actual takeaway from this is not really about fighting against those mean girls that kept bothering you your whole life (when you’re in high-school) it’s about not giving a fu** about them and just living on with what you really love to do. So, you can’t sit with them. Well, boo-hoo. What’s the big deal, honey?

Did we really hate Regina George, or did we secretly see ourselves in the way she acted all throughout the movie? Yes, you’re right. We can never be not judgmental. It’s as if the whole point of the movie is to acknowledge the fact that have been Reginas at some point in our lives, and it so much hurt us that we cannot be as beautiful as Rachel McAdams, but in a sense, we have always been waiting for that real transformation that we need: to eradicate validation as a norm for acceptance.

Validation, in an aspect suitable for you then, is so overrated. The true person who deserve the crown, is the one who never needs it. The one, who will never need it.

We will eventually be infinite, like Charlie, Sam, and Patrick

Oh, wow. This movie is just so beautiful. It’s a masterpiece in our time and it will transcend for future viewers who will eventually get tired of teen angst and occasional weird hormones. Although I don’t think there is a right age to watch this movie, I best believe that it should be watched around the time you feel profound at the same time lost. So 18-23, I guess? Fair warning: it may also cause some triggers for mental health issues, but I think the beauty of it is that it was not over acknowledged nor under acknowledged.

The thing is, for those of who watched it, aside from the fact that maybe you’re too focused on how much of a hottie Ezra Miller or Emma Watson is (or both; depending on your preference) and the same fact that Logan Lerman’s awkwardness made you fall in love with awkward boys or made you want to be the same awkward boy is so chaotic and profound at the same time.

The movie does not only tell a story; it also directs you to be part of each chapter. The consistencies made you believe that when movies are too relatable, they are not automatically designed to make you feel miserable or paranoid.

Maybe the ‘friend’ Charlie was talking to was unconsciously sent to himself, or to Patrick, or to Sam, or even to Maria Elizabeth. But, eventually, if, or when you can come to your senses, best believe that is, or was rather written for you, the reader and the watcher.

The Quarantine has just begun, so must you.

Eventually, we’ll be in our beds again. Thinking of the most wicked thoughts we can have. But for formalities sake, I hope you have a good sleep.

My Shampoo smells like Existential Crisis

You know what they say that when you're taking a shower, it is that one true time that you experience your real sentiments about life? I guess it is true, at times. 

Showering at night sucks, especially when the water (plus the weather) is cold as f**k. The worst part is, (if you don't have a heater) since it's already past bed-time, you can't really wait for water to boil. But in rare cases, it really, really sucks when in the middle of your showering, all of a sudden, the shampoo smells like Existential Crisis. At this moment, you can't literally scream but your thoughts are louder than the Karaoke being played in the neighbor's lawn. 

So much for being a Public Administration and Legal Management degree holder, my job to impart knowledge is limited to Politics and Governance and guess what, Philosophy. Yup, I am a philosophy teacher. Guess it makes sense now, huh? 

"So, now you're an adult now. Great, right? It's really not." I can't imagine existing for two decades was this difficult. The bigger question is: am I even? What even is existence? Or living, for that matter? I earn, I have a paycheck for most of the times that I don't need money, I pay taxes and the bills, I go to church, I give my parents the due respect they deserve, I have a stable relationship with my girlfriend, I follow the rules of my employer, I abhor the government's failures I.. I.. I... I exist. I am an adult. Doing adult things. Great, right? It's really fu***ng not. As an anti-quote, what a great time to be un-alive! Oh great, it's also raining outside.

As Rick Sanchez would say "Listen to your sister, Morty. To live is to risk it all, otherwise you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you. Oh, I'm sorry, Jerry, I didn't see you there, how much of that did you hear?" At that point of showering time, I was Jerry. Oh yes, I was. I heard everything and my mind wondered and wandered off. What if we are not Humans but rather are really just inert-chunks-of-randomly-assembled-molecules? (That's a long common name.) Sometimes you can't help but to think that we are just cogs in a machine. A spare part inside a big scam that is life. It's fun to teach Philosophy but it's never fun if you comprehend it to an extent that it affects the smell of your shampoo. Maybe all shampoos smell the same for other people, but in rare cases, it reeks with anomalies that questions life itself. 

source: (https://me.me/i/to-live-is-to-risk-it-all-otherwise-youre-just-0bc3072c02e140939202dc7bcf5c78ef)

So there I am, showering and contemplating about life. Too deep, I guess. This endeavor might even marginally affect our water bill for December, I thought for myself. And then it hit me, maybe that's the reason for existence; to question the very essence of existence. You know what they say that the true meaning of life is to give life meaning? Kind of? Okay, then, you know as well that the ability of the human being to question is one of the rarest ability any species in this earth can acquire? Yes, because that constitutes our freedom. The questioner is always free because no one even forces him to do such.  In the array of my thoughts, I have concluded that: To question is to be free, and to be free is give meaning, and to give meaning is to understand life, and to understand life is to exist. 

(Advertisement; sort of) Let's also talk about love at this moment of time. Love, ah. It's one of the most complicated feeling or emotion. Is it even? You know how all of us are limited persons, and yet it feels like when we love, everything transcends. As something the movie Interstellar (2015) would suggest, the only thing that transcends time and space, is non other than love itself.  To top it all, as Ma. Francesca (my girlfriend and the person I love the most) would tell me at one point in our mundane-yet-deep conversations, "Love transcends even love itself" That, I thought, nay, I knew, was so fu***ng philosophical. I think this is also an important element that is needed to understand our existence. 

Let's go back to Rick's quote and understand it's underlying meaning: the important element is of course to look at life (as Rick would suggest) as a risk. Otherwise, it's nothing.To look at life as a risk is supposed to be default for all of us. Because it is only in the risky moments that we get to move, we get to decide, we get to live life and exist. We can't see life as a death-rehearsal. We must not. Therefore having existential crisis is a precondition for us to have existence! Sort of.

I guess my shower will, from time to time, still smell like existential crisis; for I am not even nearly a percent of this universe but at least, I understood at least 1% of something. 

Oh, look, the sun is now shining. 

Getting Old

This Might be a Year (or two) Late

DJ Martin

“I’m never getting old”

“Me neither”

These lines came from the TV Series Thirteen Reasons Why which I believe [from] Season 1 Episode 9 around 30 minutes or so. Of all the strong lines that gave a striking message, or produced quality content that of a series, these two struck me most. It’s really simple. It’s just six words separated in two phrases coming from Clay Jensen and Hannah Baker. It came to me that as I was finishing this series how serious small situations, sometimes not even harmful at all, can construct bigger and much heavier effects that fucks (sorry for the language) everything up. I never finished it yet—I procrastinated (in terms of watching this series) for about half a year and I am already outdated with the second season already coming out (or probably is already out)

What pushed me to write this without even finishing the episode is very simple. I knew what Clay meant and it didn’t even occur to me that such line is becoming an unspoken mantra of mine. No one ever wants to get old yet no one ever stays young. I think I get what he meant in that exact line considering what was happening to him as the episodes progress. For all those who already watched the show, it’s pretty clear that the happenings speak a strong language that sends a message on how depression may kill. But with this essay, I won’t tackle much about that. I particularly would like to address how Clay wants to portray whatever is or was going on in his mind. He was either honest or sarcastic when he said that yet he never wanted to change even though he knew for a fact he’ll be old. On a deeper aspect, he does not want to forget what happened to Hannah unlike all the other students who listened to the tapes and what’s worse was he almost didn’t realize that he is getting old—all the circumstances were pushing him to move on. He deemed himself useless and seeing the world like shit coming out because of a cesspool of idiot high-school students who are either self-centered or just indifferent or worse, both. I just realized in the weirdest way that life can be self-centered or indifferent or even be both but in a perspective where no one wins because everyone has a point. In the saddest way, we either want to leave it or live it. We don’t want to get old but sometimes as we say that line, we don’t realize we already are. We are already there and we choose to ignore, we choose to not choose.

Maybe I never watched enough episodes or maybe I haven’t watched anything yet. Let’s see on a more profound essay.

Thank you for reading!

The Original Hardwoker

"In his Autisticated Journey"
 A Eulogy for Jovince Ortega

by: DJ Martin


They say you could never cherish life not without experiencing its absence first. I believe in this somehow. Now that a life has passed. A life of a good man. They say he never be killed since he is already a zombie. But for now I would cherish life even more. Zombie or not, he will always be Jovince Ortega.

A zombie, a  humorist, a hustler, a friend. I have known Jovince for quite some time now. Well, 7 years to be exact. The first time we met, I already knew his name yet he didn't have a single clue what was mine. It was a getting-to-know activity in class first day of school- first year high school. One of the many firsts I had with Jovince is the unusual encounter of being a friend.

How did it happen? Well, it was quite simple. I just assumed that a very skinny and awkward boy wearing a striped-polo that seems to be his favorite (since he wore it to impress) is a Jovince Ortega. And amazingly I was correct- the chances of probability in 1 out of 11 boys- I have guessed right the first time.

You see, the thing about Jovince is he doesn't need to show off or even tell his name for you to know he is a Jovince Ortega, he just exists and you just know. On that day I knew deep in me that he's going to be one of the most important persons that I could ever have, and I was right yet again.

So on to how he became my best friend. Frankly, I can't quite remember how it even happened. It was spontaneous to say the least and it was the best. I remember one particular group activity (when we were still first year HS) that he was trying to be funny telling jokes of his own interpretations and nobody got him but me. The things is, he always gives a sense of humor in all aspects that we might partake no matter how serious or dubious the circumstances that might come between us. He is the class clown and his belligerent puns and jokes are bad they become good. Good in such a way that if knocks people off their feet. It's not about the joke per se but how he delivers it. And that I think is one of the most important aspect he has. His humor is innate.

Since then, I thought I could be with him for I knew myself I'm the person he'll always get as well- and yes I was always right- no doubt in that. He became my best friend and he still is since nothing ever came in us that might've torn us apart. Well, except in one case. I remember how we both fell in love with the same girl- oh dear God, it was oblivious. It didn't even occur to me that my best bro would like the same girl I wanted. This doesn't mean anything by the way- I am just trying to emphasize a point. (If you're hearing this right now Jov, I'm sorry. How's heaven by the way?) Anyway, so this happened and I thought even our friendship will be at stake. But God used his power and might to stop once and for all our being 'rivals.' It was a short span of time and it didn't even looked like it happened. You know what bound us together? MUSIC. Ha, yes music. That- we'll always be hooked to.

Jovince influenced me in listening to famous pop punk bands especially one of the greatest- All Time Low. He put a little color to my dull music taste and he influenced me so much also in learning how to play the guitar (and actually being good at it)- and also in forming a band that would later on influence me to other good music stuff. He has a very good taste in music and I'm glad that I got it as well.

It all boils to one thing- Jovince. You know what? He is the best. I could talk endlessly in trying to prove why he is the best but I don't want to oversell him he might come back to life or something.

Kidding aside, of all people who tried to stay in my life- Jovince is one of the most consistent. (Mostly because he is consistent with begging me in making his assignments and essays and other bunch of school stuff.) But you what I really realized? He uses me. Always. Kidding- he needs me.  Always. Like a bastard he is but in a good way. He never failed to amaze me. He has magical hands that could transform a blank paper to a series of skyscrapers in precise and aesthetic measurements of reality in his imagination. He is a useful zombie who already ate multiple brains to put him to where he is right now. He is the most humble person I know and if he were here right now, he would even deny I said such- that's how humble he is. And more importantly he cares for his family more than anyone else and he never fails to amaze them as well.

In all the tines we had, I always knew he was there. In the good times and even in the worst. He would lend me a shelf if my room is so messy because of my stupid frustrations. He would offer me his house whenever mine is occupied with hate and uncertainty. He feeds me with his innovative ideas that I can't even fully grasp. He is someone else- and by that I mean he could reach even further than anyone else even if he's not here anymore.

If you could hear me right now my dear bro. I want to thank you for everything. You never ceased to amaze me; you never ever abandoned me in all circumstances and for that I am forever grateful.

This is for you. And your autisticated journey. I wish you would've realized by now that your absolutely great adventures wouldn't be as autisticated if it weren't for and with me.

I wish to see you again on your favorite striped-polo and awkwardness and I won't even care if you dressed to impress. I would always want to experience it if it means I could see you again. Don't you silly things out there will you?

Catch up soon, brother. Rest now. In the utmost peace you could ever have.

Good bye. For now.



~ ~

P.S My friend is still alive and well if you might ask. This is just a mock eulogy for his school requirement.

Peace!

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it. See you in the next post! 

LIBRARY THOUGHTS- This Has No Point at All

Mundane Monday.

Quite a tragic title ain't it? So it's 3:17 in the afternoon and I am currently here in the school's library yet again. Its quietness is ironically deafening.

I don't even know why I am writing again at this point of time in this setting where people might actually look. I have kuya Pierre with me to accompany me and feel the library which he rarely even knows [according to him and his experience(s)]. I'm not even sure if he's really paying attention considering he's in his iPod and playing games on his phone.

There's a good deal in waiting for something or someone. May it be a short span of waiting or a very, very long time. I don't know but for me I am deeply surprised that I can even wait for more than three hours. It's a new yet a very beautiful trait for me. Why beautiful you might ask? Because I am always waiting for something as beautiful as the idea of waiting. If it's even a beautiful trait. I don't even know if I made a point on this one.

I'm thinking of sleeping but it's already an overrated thing to do in a library. I mean, where else in the school premises would you adhere in committing to your sleep? That's right, the library. Also, to check grades or rush some assignments due in an hour or so. It can also be a room for conversations and whatnot-- having conversations in the library with someone can be futile when thinking of a topic depending on the person you're having a conversation with. It can be the best afternoon in a school year or maybe it can ruin a good and peaceful day.

Where am I going with this?

I am not even sure if I can publish this post. It's been more than 3 months since my last post and my views aren't even increasing in number. Will this even arrive in a certain point to begin with?

I really can't find the point. If later I'll be surprised that I even included this on my blog after publishing it maybe I'll find it. But really, as of now, this has no point at all.

Let me conclude this mundane Monday with a very tedious poem:


FINDING A POINTLESS METAPHOR

This day is as dull as yesterday or
even the days before;
It connotes a gullible galore
of pointless metaphors
 
What is even the point of this?
In the words of Shakespeare,
To be or not be-
to be alive
or
not to prove a point
to be here
or 
not to care at all
because if we look at it,
there's still no point at all


~ ~ ~

Thank you for reading yet again a Library Thought post! (It actually has no point tbh)

And as always, see you in the next post!

 

Take A Sip and Let the Rest Come Easy

Coffee Shops, Series, Writing, and Waiting

By: Wilfredo DJ P. Martin IV

What’s with it and the smell of a coffee shop? Why is the default feeling being associated with something? That first sip for example, will remind you of the first flavor of a first date. That label in the cup is associated with the taste, not with the frustration of your misspelled name. The vibe of the place is a cornerstone of something profound and something substantial- different people, different story- same sentiment, same meeting place.
             

I asked a girl once, wait no; she asked me once if we could have coffee or something. To be honest, I preferred ‘or something’ to begin with. But that is a basic human trait, to associate meet-ups on a coffee shop because such association can be leveled into a common ground. I agreed. I liked this girl and back then I thought meet-ups on coffee shops would lead into something profound and substantial. Well, it did. Thank God it did.
            

I once went on a coffee shop to scan my forsaken lessons of my ill-written notes on my empty notebook and reference materials. I did not actually focus on the writings on my notes rather I saw the markings on the wall and the antique-like articles and objects around. There’s always a default song genre playing as well- jazz, rhythm and blues, indie, covers of soft rock and pop, on shuffle and on repeat. Default, yet profound and substantial.
         

  I once went on a coffee shop to watch series and decided to order nothing. I felt bad for a while so I did eventually order a non-coffee based frappe which cost half of my daily allowance. But I felt the same, the first sip reminded me of the first flavor of my first date, my name was misspelled but I didn’t mind- I anticipated the flavor and the sentiment of something profound and something substantial. But in it, there are still doubts. 
          

Why are doubts even profoundly and substantially present on actual conversations on coffee shops? There’s always this neurotic response that says “Does my hair look good?” “Did I order the right drink for her?” “Will I have actual good conversations with him?” Why does the default state of creating a default sentiment so doubtful? Why am I even forming a question out of a question? Damn, maybe coffee shops are really complicated.
         

I don’t know why but the smell of coffee shops and its honest vibe has something in it, why is it always associated with something- something delightful?
         

Coffee shops are like songs that make you feel nostalgic- seeing that marking on the wall, hearing that particular tune and guitar riff, ordering that flavor you would always love, singing along with the lines and hitting the notes right.
           

Coffee shops are like books that make you associate things with something profound and substantial- they reconnect and link sentiments – spending that time with a person, getting stuck in a chapter, seeing stories of different people with different orientations and orders, interpreting that character.
        

Coffee shops are coffee shops; they’re default in nature yet distinct in character. Coffee shops are coffee shops.
       

 I once went on a coffee shop to wait for this girl who once asked me on a date on a coffee shop somewhere around the city. The same coffee shop, the same vibe; I wrote about coffee shops and series and writing and waiting.
       

What’s with it and the smell of a coffee shop? Why is the default feeling being associated with something?      
        

Now I’m spending my time with the girl who would always associate profound and substantial sentiments- the same girl who invited me to a coffee shop. And I need not to wait because now my doubts are erased. Damn, coffee shops.

~ ~

How about you? Do we have same sentiments?

Thanks for reading! See you in the next post.

Light 'Em Up (I'm on Fire)

"Stop Flickering and Start Gleaming for Me"

By: DJ Martin 🤘

~ 

She would always find darkness

flickering and wondering

reminding me,

"I'll ruin everything"

and I would always be the one

enthralling-

Replying

"What's with darkness and ruining moments?" 

This naive, awkward, shy boy

is also

enchanting and beaming

with utmost joy,

ever since I found her. 

She would always find darkness;

Flickering and wondering-

and in the process,

she would neglect all

luminescence and try to

anticipate,

deteriorate and

defend her haplessness 

"You poor soul" I utter

from my mouth that is always late

my heart did scathe

From seeing her finding darkness

neglecting luminescence 

"Gleam for me" she said,

I loved the idea of it-

always turned on

"Stop flickering" I replied

These words were not sugarcoated 

they are made 

for us to be mesmerized

with such, things be realized 

that we cannot antagonize;

because darkness will always be present

in the depths of our buried sentiments

and in the process,

it is up to us to neglect luminescence 

and surrender to our own darknesses 

How good does light affect her?

Is there a guarantee of surrender?

Defend her

haplessness even more

What is the process?

What is inside darkness?

She would always find darkness 

and in the process,

there's one thing she didn't anticipate:

I was her luminescence 

I gleamed for her

the flickering of her haplessness and wondering of her innocence 

sprung into a brighter finding

of darkness and luminescence 

"Gleam for me" she said,

and so I did. 

She would always find darkness 

and this time,

she's no longer flickering and wondering,

because in the process

I was her luminescence.